How A Marriage Counselor Forced My Divorce


How A Marriage Counselor Forced My Divorce
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When my husband left me, after 20-something years of marriage, to date a 20-something woman, a "baby woman" I'd called her, we didn't leave our marriage for dead at first. We agreed to see a highly-recommended marriage counselor.

Instead of guiding us to reconcile, our marriage counselor did everything he could to force a divorce. How?

More from YourTango: Does Marriage Kill Sex and Romance?

Our counselor encouraged my husband to "follow his heart," while he was deciding whether to stay with the baby woman or return home to me. At that time, my husband's heart was captivated by the spell of Cupid's Cocktails, feel-good brain chemicals the body produces when you fall in love with someone new. Because of that spell, I knew how he'd decide to "follow his heart," and I was upset our counselor encouraged him to pursue his obsession.

Our counselor encouraged me to heal my broken heart and start a new life, instead of asking my husband to come back to me. 

When I asked privately why he was against our reconciliation, he said that my husband would continue having affairs unless he really wanted to change and he got help to do so. Our counselor said that the best way to protect myself from even more heartbreak was to end my marriage and start a new life. 

Not what I wanted to hear. I'd wanted my husband back, but I was in a physically weakened state, enduring what I'd perceived as the bad times I'd vowed to endure in marriage. I'd lost 20 pounds. I couldn't sleep, and my heart felt like a pressure cooker ready to blow. I weighed my options. Should I save my life or my marriage? I took my marriage counselor's advice and filed for divorce.

A decade later, I see my former husband being happy and loyal to his second wife, a lovely woman his own age. I occasionally wonder what might've happened to our marriage, if our counselor hadn't forced our divorce. Or if he'd used the concept of "creative hopelessness" to prevent divorce.

More from YourTango: How Newlyweds Build An Enchanting Marriage - Love Toolkit

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