Dating Q and A: Did Polyamory Replace Monogamy?
By Hadley Finch. Posted on .
Dating Question for Hadley:
I received a shocking invitation from a widowed man I met on a dating site. We live 2000 miles apart, so we're building a friendship in video chats and being long-distance cheerleaders for each other as we adjust to single life. He said he wanted to meet me in person and asked if I would consider a polyamory relationship with him.
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A what?
I Googled "polyamory" and learned it means simultaneously loving more than one person in an intimate, candid relationship.
They used to call this a love triangle--which was the reason my marriage broke up. Dealing with my husband's affair was so painful, I would not choose to be part of a triangle again--no matter how attracted I am to the man who proposed it.
That's what I told him. Then he said that many believe monogamy is outdated. With a 50 % divorce rate, many couples accept that we aren't designed to be with one person exclusively for a lifetime. He said there is no betrayal of trust in polyamory, since there is no secrecy. He said the happiest couples he knows are openly doing this.
Since my divorce, I've avoided a series of "players" who want to date many women at once. If polyamory has replaced monogamy, am I too outdated to date?
Dating Answer By Hadley:
The polyamorous dating trend isn't for everyone. You clearly aren't interested, and you're not alone. Many singles still seek hot monogamy in a committed relationship. Unfortunately, many couples may not know how to keep the heat in monogamy, and this places their relationship at risk long term.
It's clear that you and your polyamorous friend have opposing views about monogamy, so you are not a compatible match.
To find your great love match, be sure to mention your desire for hot monogamy in your dating profile, assuming you join a dating site, and in your dating conversations as you get to know a date.
This helps you sort through mismatches who don't share your vision for a great relationship, and it spares you the heartbreak of being with someone who won't passionately commit to loving you the way you desire and deserve.
Trust that the great love you are seeking is seeking you. So keep dating until you feel that mutual click of shared values and vision for a happy relationship.
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