Dating Q and A: Did Polyamory Replace Monogamy?


Dating Q and A:  Did Polyamory Replace Monogamy?
Is a divorced woman too outdated to date, if she's a one-man woman in a polyamorous singles world?

Dating Question for Hadley:

I received a shocking invitation from a widowed man I met on a dating site.  We live 2000 miles apart, so we're building a friendship in video chats and being long-distance cheerleaders for each other as we adjust to single life.   He said he wanted to meet me in person and asked if I would consider a polyamory relationship with him.


A what?

I Googled "polyamory" and learned it means simultaneously loving more than one person in an intimate, candid relationship.

They used to call this a love triangle--which was the reason my marriage broke up. Dealing with my husband's affair was so painful, I would not choose to be part of a triangle again--no matter how attracted I am to the man who proposed it.

That's what I told him.  Then he said that many believe monogamy is outdated. With a 50 % divorce rate, many couples accept that we aren't designed to be with one person exclusively for a lifetime. He said there is no betrayal of trust in polyamory, since there is no secrecy. He said the happiest couples he knows are openly doing this.

Since my divorce, I've avoided a series of "players" who want to date many women at once. If polyamory has replaced monogamy, am I too outdated to date?

Dating Answer By Hadley:

The polyamorous dating trend isn't for everyone. You clearly aren't interested, and you're not alone. Many singles still seek hot monogamy in a committed relationship. Unfortunately, many couples may not know how to keep the heat in monogamy, and this places their relationship at risk long term.

It's clear that you and your polyamorous friend have opposing views about monogamy, so you are not a compatible match.

To find your great love match, be sure to mention your desire for hot monogamy in your dating profile, assuming you join a dating site, and in your dating conversations as you get to know a date.

This helps you sort through mismatches who don't share your vision for a great relationship, and it spares you the heartbreak of being with someone who won't passionately commit to loving you the way you desire and deserve.

Trust that the great love you are seeking is seeking you.  So keep dating until you feel that mutual click of shared values and vision for a happy relationship. 

And I'll help you find great love and get the red-hot relationship you deserve with dating advice like this, as I guide your love quest in dating site -- where great singles find great love now.  Take a FREE look around as my guest.

More Juicy Content From YourTango:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Hadley Finch


Get all the happy, sexy love you desire,

Hadley Finch

Founder and

Creator  Happy Sexy Love Magazine on Apple Newsstand and Couples Love Toolkit

Author  911 Breakup Survival-How to Get Over A Breakup And Love Again, Like It's The First Time

and Happy Sexy Love In Romantic Relationships  and Happy Sexy Love Blog

Author of Novel with songs,  Tribe Of Blondes - Resilient Optimists Who Believe in Great Love

Radio host  A Lasting Love

Single Travelers Meet on Vacations You'll Love

Couples Find Bliss On Vacations You'll Love



Location: Oak Brook, IL
Credentials: BS
Specialties: Dating/Being Single Support, Divorce/Divorce Prevention
Other Articles/News by Hadley Finch:

If Love Stops Growing, Is It Dying?


Science says, "If you're not growing, you're dying."  The purpose of life is growth.  For plants and animals, growth is fixed and automatic.  Only humans have the power of conscious growth to keep love alive.  You're about to discover how to use that power to grow great love now, even if your relationship feels like ... Read more

Top 4 Problems In Dating The Divorced-Solved


Divorced men and women may unknowingly carry old emotional baggage that prevents them from being good partners in a new relationship.  Avoid that heartbreak as you discover how to solve the top 4 problems of dating a divorced match.  Top 4 Problems In Dating A Divorced Man Or Woman:  Solved Problem 1.  Still Living In The Past A ... Read more

GoodBye Holiday Blues: 15 Gifts To Give Yourself This Holiday


Got the holiday spirit? Or are you feeling year-end stress of meeting annual goals, gathering with family and friends, over-indulging on holiday treats, over-spending on gifts, grieving the death of a loved one or a dream, or are you planning a fresh start in the new year? What if you could feel the holiday spirit while you handle year-end ... Read more

See More

Latest Expert Videos
Must-see Videos
Most Popular