My Boyfriend Cheated. He Says It's Because He's a Sex Addict.


My Boyfriend Cheated. He Says It's Because He's a Sex Addict.
Your Boyfriend Just Told You He Cheated Because He's a Sex Addict. Should You Stay or Should You Go?

By Hadley Earabino, Sex, Love & Relationship Coach

At this point, attacking his car with a baseball bat might seem like a perfectly reasonable idea, but stop and consider the situation before you make any decisions. He has cheated on you. You can stay or you can go. But let's talk about what it means that he calls himself a sex addict.


There are several reasons he might be claiming he's a sex addict. Ariel Castro, the Ohio man who allegedly abducted three women and held them captive for more than 10 years, has said he is a sex addict. This kind of high-profile case can have a trickle-down effect, and other men might soon see this as a plausible "get out of jail card" and decide to follow suit.

1. He really is a sex addict. In this case, you're in for some deep, soul-searching work, but if he is ready to admit his mistakes, feels horrible about what he did to you, and truly wants to change--it might be worth it to hang around.

2. He's not really a sex addict. He feels so bad about the mistake he just made that he Googled the definition of sex addiction, and now he's sure he's a sex addict, even though he shows no signs of sexual obsession or compulsion.

3. He doesn't even know the definition of a sex addict. But he sure doesn't feel bad about his affair. He's saying he's a sex addict for one reason. It's an excuse.

Sexual addiction is a debilitating way to live. Sex addicts live in a state of obsessive preoccupation that decimates their relationships, their careers and their very beings. So if he is really an addict, and he's ready to do anything to get help for it, you're not the only one in pain.

While psychologists do not agree on whether out-of-control sexuality should be called an "addiction" or an "obsessive-compulsive disorder," they all agree that the addict suffers. One 1991 study by leading sex addiction expert Patrick Carnes, showed that out of 752 male and 180 female sex addicts surveyed, nearly all of them reported strong feelings of shame, isolation, loneliness, hopelessness and despair as a direct result of their addiction.

While the field of sex addiction research is new (the Carnes study was the first of its' kind,) cheating on your partner is not. He may not be a sex addict, but just a typical human male.

According to anthropologist Helen Fisher, author of The Anatomy of Love, what you're going through is fairly typical. Every 10 years, the Statistical Office of the United Nations takes a census, and in a sample of 58 different populations from all over the world, divorce peaks at the four-year mark—for all couples.

Fisher has a theory about this finding, “The human pair bond originally evolved to last long enough to raise a single child through infancy. The four-year human reproductive cycle may be a biological phenomenon.”

Evolutionarily speaking, having a child draws a man and a woman together at least long enough to raise that child through infancy. After that, the drive to stay together is weakened, and divorce or separation is more likely.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Hadley Earabino

Life Coach

Hadley Earabino, Certified Life Coach & Sex Therapist
TheLoveLifeCoach | |

Location: Decatur, GA
Credentials: BA, CLC
Other Articles/News by Hadley Earabino:

How To Have A Better Breakup (It's Possible!)


Breakups are painful — there's no way around that. But there's one sure-fire way to make your breakup even more difficult, and that's trying not to have one when you are. Sound counter-intuitive? Many people deal with a heartbreak by pretending it doesn't exist. That only serves to sweep feelings under the rug, and doesn't allow us to ... Read more

Dating Tips For Women Over 40: Finding Success In Love


I asked Lisa Clampitt, co-founder and owner of The Matchmaking Institute, a professional matchmakers trade association based in New York City, for some dating tips for my female clients over 40 who are getting ready to jump back into the dating world. I'm a life coach in Atlanta, so the first thing she suggested was to contact Sarah Kathryn Smith, who ... Read more

How Google Calendar Saved My Marriage


I was one rejection away from asking my husband if he'd like to change our Facebook status to "lifelong roommates." But thankfully, Google calendar swooped in with its alarms, sharing functions and color-coded reminders, and saved us. Our new solution? We have newly scheduled weekly marriage appointments, and it has made such a difference in our ... Read more

See More

Latest Expert Videos
Must-see Videos
Most Popular