- Make an appointment if you need to negotiate anything. Setting up some kind of structure helps with many ADHD problems.
- Write down any talking points on an index card and refer back to it continually during the negotiation. This will keep the conversation on track, and cut down on miscommunication.
- Don't act like a mean, angry elementary school teacher. He had a lot of that growing up, and it triggers even worse behavior. Avoid verbally rejecting him, judging him or calling him names.
- Express gratitude for something--even something small. This will come as such a welcome surprise, you're much more likely to get what you need from the negotiation.
- Encourage his relationships with his children--relationships are difficult enough for people with ADHD, it's best not to put up more barriers. It's in your best interest for your children to get what they need and want from their father.
If you're starting to wonder if your ex might have undiagnosed ADHD, look at his children. The condition is extremely heritable, so if any of his children have it, chances are he has it too.
If you do have children with him, you'll be negotiating with him for years to come, so learning about ADHD and how it might be contributing to any problems is a good idea. If you're experiencing the turmoil of a custody battle, or any other legal problems with him, you should consider scheduling an appointment with a skilled ADHD and relationship coach. A professional can help you change the story you're telling yourself about his bad behavior, which might get you both more of what you want.