Breaking The Conflict Pattern
By Greg Giesen. Posted on .
(A conversation during a coaching session)
Me: Tom, how are things going with Nancy?
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Tom: Well…not that great actually.
Me: What do you mean? Last time we talked you were all excited about dating her.
Tom: I know. But things have changed. She’s blown me off.
Me: Wait, weren’t you just with her a week ago? What happened?
Tom: She just stopped communicating. She was supposed to call me on Monday and never called. On Tuesday she was going over to a mutual friend of ours and we were going to get together later that night and she blew me off then as well. No call…no text…no email. Zero! Nada!
Me: So what did you do?
Tom: Since we had planned to go out to a fancy restaurant last night, I texted her in the morning and asked if we were still going. And guess what? No response again. So I cancelled the reservations and told her so in a text message.
Me: So why didn’t you just call her?
Tom: I did call during the week and even emailed her…and nothing.
Me: Okay, so then what happened?
Tom: She didn’t respond to my cancelling dinner text either…that is until today. She said she had an unexpected out-of-town guest show up and hadn’t looked at her cell phone for the past three days. She said she was sorry we missed our dinner.
Me: How did that make you feel?
Tom: Like I’m an idiot! Come on Geese, I wasn’t born yesterday. Does she sound like someone who is interested in developing a relationship with me to you? Didn’t check her cell phone for three days! Come on! This is a woman who is attached to her phone. She lives on her Facebook app.
Me: So is it over?
Tom: It is for me.
Me: Are you going to tell her?
Tom: Why should I? She is the one who stopped communicating with me. I certainly don’t owe her any communication now. What would be the point?
Me: What do you gain by not communicating?
Tom: She gets some of her own medicine. Let’s see how she likes it!
Me: So part of the non-communication for you is to retaliate?
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Tom: You just don’t treat people that way Geese.
Me: Who are you talking about Tom, you or her?
