The third attitude of highly successful daters is suspending judgement (The 3-date rule.)
Suspending Judgement (The 3-Date Rule)
As human beings we can’t help but make instant assessments of people we meet. It’s something our subconscious minds just do automatically. We can’t turn that instant first impression instinct off. What we can do however, is consciously decide that we’re going to withhold judgment of the person we’re meeting until after we get to know them a little better. Don’t limit yourself by cutting off your options because your first impression of someone didn’t sweep you off your feet. Live by the 3-Date Rule. Tell yourself you’re going to suspend judgment on the person until you’ve been out with them at least three times. You’ll be amazed at how far off base some of your first impressions may be.
It’s sad that so many people say “I just know in the first 30 seconds if there’s anything there.” The fact is it’s impossible to know anything in the first 30 seconds except a knee-jerk reaction, which is NOT a reliable indicator of the possibility of a lasting relationship. There have been many situations where one of two people, either the man or the woman, said they weren’t interested in seeing the other person again after the first meeting. And now, those very same two people are either married or have been together for several years!
Interestingly, John Molloy found the same thing in his research. He reported in his book, Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others, that his researchers “were astounded at the percentage of women who disliked the man they were marrying when they had first met. They were also surprised by how often these relationships worked out.” Molloy, in really trying to help women understand how they can be more successful in finding a partner, goes on to tell women that if you didn’t click with someone the first time you met him there is a high chance, based on what he’s found in statistically valid research, that you might connect on the second time. In his words, “don’t be afraid to give a guy a second chance – it just might improve your chances”.