Stop recreating negative family relationship patterns.Trace Your Family Tree to get to the roots.
Have you ever taken the time to trace your family tree? Knowing about your heritage may help you understand yourself better and gain insight into why you have chosen your path in life. If you had an illustrious relative perhaps you imagine that you might have inherited some of his or her outstanding qualities such as bravery, artistic ability or intelligence.
But what if your ancestor was a black sheep? Learning about family histories and hearing stories about ancestors' behaviors and achievements may have impacted your love life! Exploring your roots can help you understand your track record when it comes to success in love.
As you were growing up you might have heard about your relatives or even experienced what was going on in your own extended family of grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. As a result you most likely made decisions about what a family was like, how married people treated each other, how siblings treated each other, how men and women treated each other, and how husbands and wives acted toward each other during good times and bad. The impact of these decisions may be reflected in your own relationship history.
Here is how to make a Genogram of your own Family Tree. Take two large sheets of paper, one to represent your mother’s family and the other your father’s family. Put the names of the oldest generation that you know about at the very top. For most people it will be your grandparents, however you may find that you have lots of information about your great grandparents or even farther back. For the sake of clarity draw a square shape to indicate males and a circle for females.
Underneath the names of your earliest ancestors draw a line downward from that couple to indicate their children by name and the name of that person' s spouse next to them. If any of these people had more than one husband or wife due to death or divorce be sure to show all of them.
Under that couple write the names of their children and their husbands or wives. Then show their offspring and spouses and so on. Keep the tree going until you come to your generation. Be sure to put yourself on the chart with your siblings.
Have you ever wondered what impact the people from these past generations have had on your relationship choices? Here are some questions to guide you in your exploration. Start at the top of the Tree and go down as you ask these questions about each person or each couple.
• What kind of personality did this person have?
• List positive and negative traits, achievements or other background information about each one.
• Who did he or she marry? Was there a story about this?
• Did he or she have more than one mate?
• How long did they remain together?
• What stories have you heard about their relationship?
• Were you named after one of these relations? If so, what decision did you make about carrying the same name?
• Were you told that you look like a family member or act like that person? How does this affect you?
As you focus on your family history does it shed light on your own history? Ted was named after his uncle Ted who died at the age of 35. Ted had trouble staying in a relationship and went from woman to woman. He couldn’t seem to commit to anyone. He eventually realized that his uncle's tragic death when Ted was a small boy led Ted to believe that he too would have his life cut short like his namesake so he shouldn't settle down but should have fun while he could.
Candice found herself attracted to men who were quirky and artistic but not dependable wage earners. In her Family Tree she discovered that her grandfather was not very successful so her grandmother worked to make sure the bills were paid.
She also encouraged Candice's father to pursue a career in art. He too was lackadaisical about being the main breadwinner. Candice was living out the same kind of script where she too would most likely end up supporting an artistic partner.
Angela had been married to three drug addicts and was engaged to a fourth when she finally asked herself why she was attracted to these types. There was a history of addiction in her family so she felt comfortable with people who got drunk or high, were undependable and sometimes violent. She realized that she was living out the family pattern.
If you are in a love relationship or married, ask your partner to make a Genogram too. Then go through them together and talk about your ancestors, their strengths and weaknesses, who had the most impact on you and what decisions you made that turned out to be harmful or beneficial.
Make sure that you also look for family members who had mature and loving relationships where the husband and wife had relatively equal status and respected and enjoyed each other’s company. Remember them as role models for you to emulate.
Once you see the picture of your history you can begin to re-write your own script now. You don’t have to recreate the trials and tribulations of your ancestors in your life or your relationships. Leave a legacy of success in love for your descendants.
Find out more about how to attract longlastiing love and keep it in my eBook Grownup Love: Getting It and Keeping It.
Take advantage of a free consult with Gloria to discuss your heritage.
Make sure to download her FREE eBook Creating Happiness.