6 Tips For Understanding Your Compulsive Partner


6 Tips For Understanding Your Compulsive Partner
Read these tips on how to support a compulsive partner.

4. Practice Unconditional Acceptance: No matter how much you want to, you can't "fix" a compulsive person. If you belong to a recovery group, you know that you can only change yourself. You can, however, give the gift of unconditional love and acceptance. Focus on the special inner self of the other one, knowing that he is worthy of love even if you don't like what he is doing..

It doesn't mean that if your wife continues to abuse your credit cards, you continue to pay the bills. When the behavior affects you negatively you must find a way to sort out your feelings and learn new ways to take care of yourself. Find a support group or counseling for yourself. If you discover that you are unable to stand by and accept your lover’s struggle without blaming or rescuing, you may decide to end the relationship.

5. Change Your Tune: You may love this person yet find that you do not know how to control your reactions to his behavior. There are two harmful kinds of communication that people like you often get caught in when there is an emotional crisis: blaming and discounting.

Avoid blaming. Verbal insults are like punches. You may be utterly frustrated because you can't help the one you love or he isn't getting well fast enough so you blurt out insults or call him names. He is doing the best he can. His behavior often stems from low self-worth. This will not be remedied overnight. He will continue to make mistakes and have slips.

Blaming is dumping your feelings onto the other. Most of the time your anger and frustration comes out because you feel powerless. Refrain from giving advice and offering solutions. That is called rescuing, and it will harm more than it helps. Instead, ask your lover, "What do you want to do about this situation?" Keep reading...

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by

Gloria Arenson

Marriage and Family Therapist

Gloria Arenson is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Diplomate in Comprehensive Energy Psychology and author of 7 books. She is passionate about helping people help themselves to be free of negative emotions and compulsive behaviors. 


Location: Santa Barbara, CA
Credentials: DCEP, EFT-ADV, MFT, MS
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