Quarreling: A Problem Or An Opportunity?


Quarreling: A Problem Or An Opportunity?
Couples fight about the same things constantly. Why does it happen, and how can we break the cycle?

Although the adult Maggie had no memory of the first weeks of life, her body still carried the newborn's terror and insecurity. When, as an adult, the person she trusted the most, her husband, was not there to take care of her needs, her "body memory" took over and she went wild. Maggie was relieved when she understood what was happening in her brain, but just knowing it did not take away her tendency to react instantly and angrily toward her husband from time to time.

After she used EFT acupressure tapping she was finally able to heal that early trauma. The irrational outbursts also stopped. You can find the complete instructions for using EFT in my book, Five Simple Steps to Emotional Healing.


If you identify with Maggie, focus on patterns that set you off and the way your partner or another important person in your life opens the scars of wounds from the past. 

Use EFT and tap as you say:

  • Even though when you (do or say or don't do or say), ________ it makes me feel (angry, helpless, frustrated, infuriated) and it keeps happening over and over, I am releasing all the times and all the ways I reacted this way when someone treated me this way in the past.
  • Even though when you (do or say or don't do or say), ________ it makes me feel (angry, helpless, frustrated, infuriated) just like _______(name of person) did when I was ______years old, I am ready to let what happened in the past go.
  • Even though when you (do or say or don't do or say), ________ it makes me feel (angry, helpless, frustrated, infuriated) and it keeps happening over and over, I know that it is a body memory of something from my past that I don't even remember and I am tapping it away now.

Gently tap the acupressure points for as many rounds as you need. If other memories come to mind, tap until you feel neutral about them also. You will find more ways to help yourself with EFT in my FREE eBook "Creating Happiness." Instead of harboring your angry feelings, give thanks that quarrels may be opportunities to heal unconscious wounds from an earlier time in your life.

If you want to know more you can sign up for a FREE 15 minute consult with me at www.GloriaArenson.com

Article contributed by

Gloria Arenson

Marriage and Family Therapist

Gloria Arenson is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Diplomate in Comprehensive Energy Psychology and author of 7 books. She is passionate about helping people help themselves to be free of negative emotions and compulsive behaviors. 


Location: Santa Barbara, CA
Credentials: DCEP, EFT-ADV, MFT, MS
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