Does He Love Me? How We Perceive And Give Love To Our Partners


Does He Love Me? How We Perceive And Give Love To Our Partners
What is love supposed to look like? What will that special man have to do or say to reassure you?

How did I learn about love, giving it and receiving it when I was growing up?

Who we are and how we see the world results from the experiences we have as we go through life and the decisions we make as a result. Where you were born, the culture you grew up in, the people who reared you, the rules you were taught to obey and the historic era you have lived in have brought you to this moment of despair.

It is time for each of you to take stock of what brought you together. Is your life history helping you or hurting you? As you each answer these questions I think you will realize what makes you tick when it comes to feeling love and expressing it in ways that make you and your partner happy.

What did I learn about love from my family?

  • Did I grow up in a family with both parents present? If not, did I have just one adult parenting me? Were there a series of adults, other relatives, lovers or stepparents?
  • Did my parents or adult mates of my parents act loving toward each other? Did they show affection? How?
  • Were they sexual in my presence? What did I learn from them about sex?
  • Did any of the adults in my family show me love? What did they do or say? How did it feel? What did I tell myself about that?
  • What did I hear these adults say about love?
  • Did their actions fit their words?
  • What adult was I close to that was not in my home? (Teacher, friend's parent, Aunt, Uncle, neighbor, coach) What did that person tell me or teach me about love?

Talk with each other about your early life and the decisions you made that led to your present behavior when you try to express love to each other. Once you understand more about why your lover does what he does and he discovers why you behave as you do, you will be able to understand each other better. He still may not turn into the perfect lover of your imagination, but you now understand him better, and hopefully he understands you too. The rest is up to you.

In my book Grownup Love: Getting It And Keeping It you will find more information to help you discover why you feel unloved and what to do about it.

Take advantage of a free phone consult with Gloria to discuss your love problems. Be sure to download Gloria’s FREE eBook Creating Happiness.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Gloria Arenson

Marriage and Family Therapist

Gloria Arenson is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Diplomate in Comprehensive Energy Psychology and author of 7 books. She is passionate about helping people help themselves to be free of negative emotions and compulsive behaviors. Her motto is :"The unexamined life is not worth living."

Location: Santa Barbara, CA
Credentials: DCEP, EFT-ADV, MFT, MS
Other Articles/News by Gloria Arenson:

Not Sure What To Do? Ask A Pendulum!


The great philosopher Socrates once said that the unexamined life is not worth living. You can summon your own inner strength and wisdom to solve many daily or longstanding problems by using a simple pendulum. Pendulums have been around for thousands of years. The pendulum enables your unconscious mind to help you clarify issues or make decisions by providing ... Read more

This Simple Exercise Can Help You Overcome Trauma


When I notice that I am feeling sorry for myself because of an upset or a disappointment, I recall a very kind and wise teacher I once knew who pointed out that people are like everyday china. He said that by the time we reach maturity, we all have some chips and cracks to remind us that life has tossed us about. As a result, we have collected all kinds of ... Read more

5 Easy Ways To Make Your Relationship A Heck Of A Lot Better


Friends and acquaintances often comment on what a loving and happy relationship my husband and I have. We have been together for forty years, and each year seems to be better than the one before. Recently we have noticed the little things that add to our happiness. Here are examples of how others succeeded in creating more joy when they integrated these five ... Read more

See More

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.