Does He Love Me? How We Perceive And Give Love To Our Partners


Does He Love Me? How We Perceive And Give Love To Our Partners
What is love supposed to look like? What will that special man have to do or say to reassure you?

How did I learn about love, giving it and receiving it when I was growing up?

Who we are and how we see the world results from the experiences we have as we go through life and the decisions we make as a result. Where you were born, the culture you grew up in, the people who reared you, the rules you were taught to obey and the historic era you have lived in have brought you to this moment of despair.

It is time for each of you to take stock of what brought you together. Is your life history helping you or hurting you? As you each answer these questions I think you will realize what makes you tick when it comes to feeling love and expressing it in ways that make you and your partner happy.

What did I learn about love from my family?

  • Did I grow up in a family with both parents present? If not, did I have just one adult parenting me? Were there a series of adults, other relatives, lovers or stepparents?
  • Did my parents or adult mates of my parents act loving toward each other? Did they show affection? How?
  • Were they sexual in my presence? What did I learn from them about sex?
  • Did any of the adults in my family show me love? What did they do or say? How did it feel? What did I tell myself about that?
  • What did I hear these adults say about love?
  • Did their actions fit their words?
  • What adult was I close to that was not in my home? (Teacher, friend's parent, Aunt, Uncle, neighbor, coach) What did that person tell me or teach me about love?

Talk with each other about your early life and the decisions you made that led to your present behavior when you try to express love to each other. Once you understand more about why your lover does what he does and he discovers why you behave as you do, you will be able to understand each other better. He still may not turn into the perfect lover of your imagination, but you now understand him better, and hopefully he understands you too. The rest is up to you.

In my book Grownup Love: Getting It And Keeping It you will find more information to help you discover why you feel unloved and what to do about it.

Take advantage of a free phone consult with Gloria to discuss your love problems. Be sure to download Gloria’s FREE eBook Creating Happiness.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Gloria Arenson

Marriage and Family Therapist

Gloria Arenson is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Diplomate in Comprehensive Energy Psychology and author of 7 books. She is passionate about helping people help themselves to be free of negative emotions and compulsive behaviors. Her motto is :"The unexamined life is not worth living."

Location: Santa Barbara, CA
Credentials: DCEP, EFT-ADV, MFT, MS
Other Articles/News by Gloria Arenson:

How To Be A Winner At Losing Weight


How many times have you lost and regained weight? Have you ever lost only part of the desired weight and never reached your goal? Self-sabotage is usually the reason. An ancient philosopher described it best when he said that the mind of man is like a ship on which the crew have mutinied and locked the Captain in the brig. Each crewmember takes over the helm at ... Read more

Always Late? Blame Your DNA


I have worked with thousands of procrastinators who either have trouble getting started on a project or following through on it. Usually their behavior is a way of avoiding something they fear such as success, failure, ridicule or worry about the future. However, there is another kind of procrastinator who compulsively leaves things until the last minute. You ... Read more

Why Affirmations Can Help You Get What You Want


An affirmation is a way to program your unconscious mind to attract happiness, success, love, money or other positive goals. Your unconscious mind is like the Genie of the magic lamp. When Aladdin rubbed the magic lamp, the Genie appeared and granted him whatever he wanted. The unconscious mind is like that Genie; it fulfills your commands, positive or ... Read more

See More


Sign up for our daily email and get the stories everyone is talking about.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.