6 Beliefs That Keep The Procrastinator You Love Stuck!


6 Beliefs That Keep The Procrastinator You Love Stuck!
Procrastinators are not lazy. They are trying to avoid something they fear that stops them cold.

Are you in a love relationship with someone whose procrastination is driving you to despair? Are you constantly angry because he or she is chronically late or doesn’t follow through on projects that affect both of you? Procrastination is not a sign of laziness. It is a way of avoiding fear. Some people are terrified of being a failure while others shy away from success.

One or more of these 6 self sabotaging fear thoughts may be buried below the surface of his or her conscious mind. The result is procrastination: either putting off getting started or never finishing.

1. I don’t deserve to get over my problem.
Jerry’s stepfather resented him and showed it by nicknaming him "stupid." After years of verbal abuse he thought he had developed a thick skin and wasn’t aware of the ways that he was still living out his stepfather’s curse. Jerry kept spoiling his chances for success at work and in love because there was a part of him that still believed he was dumb and undeserving so he held himself back from doing things because of the fear that others might judge him as inadequate also. After a while his girlfriends would get tired of waiting for him to succeed and break off with him.

2. God is punishing me.
Some people put off beginning or finishing projects because they are afraid that they are bad or sinful. They fear the wrath of an angry God. Greta kept putting off going on a diet because she believed that binge eating was gluttony. Gluttony was a sin. Therefore she was a sinner, and God’s punishment was for her to stay fat and miserable. If she were to go on a diet she might lose weight. In her mind, that would go against God’s will. The result was that her husband constantly criticized her for not keeping to her diet and her marriage turned sour.

3. If I get over this problem I won’t be safe.
Forty-year-old Tony was educated, held a responsible job and lived in a lovely apartment, but he could not bring himself to pay his bills. For years his mother assisted him, and when she died his sister drove from a nearby town to help him out. When his sister passed away he was terrified since he had a fear of doing it wrong and didn’t know how to manage his checkbook. His helpless behavior, neediness and feelings of inadequacy about acting like a responsible adult drove his girlfriend into the arms of someone else. Keep Reading...

More dating advice from YourTango:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Gloria Arenson

Marriage and Family Therapist

Gloria Arenson is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Diplomate in Comprehensive Energy Psychology and author of 7 books. She is passionate about helping people help themselves to be free of negative emotions and compulsive behaviors. Her motto is :"The unexamined life is not worth living."


Location: Santa Barbara, CA
Credentials: DCEP, EFT-ADV, MFT, MS
Other Articles/News by Gloria Arenson:

This School Year, Get An A+ In Sex Ed


When we fall in love with someone, we usually find interests and beliefs that we have in common. As the relationship deepens we begin to discuss our expectations of the future: how many children we want, where we want to live, whether we are politically liberal or conservative, etc. However, in the area of sex, many of us think about it, but don't talk ... Read more

How To Be A Winner At Losing Weight


How many times have you lost and regained weight? Have you ever lost only part of the desired weight and never reached your goal? Self-sabotage is usually the reason. An ancient philosopher described it best when he said that the mind of man is like a ship on which the crew have mutinied and locked the Captain in the brig. Each crewmember takes over the helm at ... Read more

Always Late? Blame Your DNA


I have worked with thousands of procrastinators who either have trouble getting started on a project or following through on it. Usually their behavior is a way of avoiding something they fear such as success, failure, ridicule or worry about the future. However, there is another kind of procrastinator who compulsively leaves things until the last minute. You ... Read more

See More


Sign up for our daily email and get the stories everyone is talking about.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.