My husband and I have been lovers for 40 years. The other day, after we made sweet love, I turned to him and asked, “How young do you feel when we are having sex?” I shared that when I am totally in the moment of passion I feel like I am 30 again. When my husband thought about it, he agreed that he too felt like he was 35 again.
The man I fell in love with back in the days of hippies and flower children was a very attractive guy who had twinkling brown eyes and a shaved head. Wow, was he sexy! Today, he is still bald and has an attractive gray beard, but I don’t seem to see his wrinkles because even now his brown eyes look at me with the same love and desire. He doesn’t see me as the grandmother I am today (with my share of wrinkles and age spots). To him, I am still that intriguing green-eyed gal with the very long red hair he fell for so long ago.
Neither of us has the same agility that we once had when we first met. Nor do we have the same youthful bodies. I had major breast surgery to remove a large tumor in one breast, leaving me somewhat lop-sided. My spouse has had surgery for prostate cancer that has left him with some challenges. We both do our best with the bodies we now have and laugh about it.
Nevertheless, my husband is still a wonderful lover ... tender, thoughtful, and considerate. One of the reasons that we are able to be this affectionate together is because each of us feels unconditional love and admiration from the other. We are able to stay in the joy of the moment because we are not worried that our partner won’t find us lovable or attractive.
And it’s wonderful that there are now medical advances that can help us continue to be sexual in our later years. A year ago, my husband and I attended a free talk offered by one of our local hospitals about a special surgical procedure that helped men with erectile problems by inserting an inflatable implant into the penis. The meeting room was filled with gray haired men and their wives who were eager to discover how to keep sex alive as they aged.
Here are 5 ways seniors can keep sexual desire alive well into their golden years (without the need for implants of any kind).
Challenge self-defeating thoughts
If your sex life has fizzled, it may be due to limiting beliefs that are bringing you down. If you look in the mirror and see an old and unattractive person it's natural to also wonder how your partner could possibly still find you attractive. But don't believe the common (and false) stereotype that people aren’t interested in sex after a certain age, that there's a point when you become "too old." Not true at all.
Do you think that menopause means the end of sex because a woman’s sex organs dry up so she can’t enjoy intercourse anymore? Are you afraid of intimacy because you have a bad back or arthritis that might act up? Good news, getting older doesn’t at all mean the end of desire or loss of the ability to get turned on. So don't assume. And don’t be afraid to check our your fears and or to bring up the topic of sexual health with your doctor.
Discover other erogenous zones
My husband has wonderful hands that give heavenly massages. Over the years, I discovered that when he kneads certain areas of my body I feel incredible pleasure verging on orgasm. I love to have my toes, my ears, and my scalp worked on, and I don’t have to take my clothing off to experience this bliss. I am so lucky that he is willing to oblige. There are many ways to lovingly bring pleasure to each other's body.
Make out again
You don’t have to get horizontal to share physical love. In our relationship, we do quite a bit of hugging and kissing standing up. I believe that the more you show affection for each other physically, the more it reinforces your bond and leads to continuous acts of love and caring. When we put our arms around each other and feel the other’s warmth and appreciation, it is hard to break away.
Appreciate your partner every day
We all love to be told that we are kind, lovable, intelligent, or attractive. To my eyes, when my husband gets dressed up he looks downright dreamy. I am lucky that he is an artist with a wonderful talent for color and design, so I like to compliment him on how he looks. In turn he does the same for me.
Another way to reinforce your love and admiration is to speak politely to each other. Showing appreciation for small favors is like offering a verbal kiss. Make it a regular habit to do so and both of you will feel good and deeply connected every day. After a while it will become automatic.
End every day with a goodnight kiss
No matter how difficult or challenging the day has been or even if we've had a disagreement, my husband and I never fall asleep without exchanging a goodnight kiss. This kiss reminds us both how much we love and adore one another. With each kiss, we are affirming that we are glad that we chose each other and how much we are committed to spending the rest of our life together. Each day we kiss and make that choice again.
As we grow older, sex is no longer about hooking up or wildly getting it on. It is about recognizing all the qualities that make your lover special and continues to reassure him or her that they still turn you on. You don’t have to act old just because the number of birthdays gone by says you are in your senior years. Remember, sexual activity doesn’t have to end when you get Social Security!
Take advantage of a free phone consult with Gloria to discuss your sexual relationship issues.
Read Gloria’s eBook Grownup Love: Getting It and Keeping It to find out more about creating loving relationships.
Download Gloria’s FREE eBook Creating Happiness.
More juicy content from Your Tango:
- Don't Be Shy: Why Don't More Women Talk About Masturbation?
- Steamy Sex Advice On YourTango
- The How To Of Dirty Talk
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