What do you do when your lover turns to stone? Understand why and follow 3 steps to overcome it.
3. Use a stress releasing method to calm down.
One of the most rapid and effective methods I teach my clients to calm themselves when they freeze is called EFT Tapping. EFT stands for Emotional Freedom Technique. Simply touch or gently tap these acupuncture points for about 3 seconds using your index and middle fingers as you focus on your emotional overwhelm or physical stoniness.
Begin by tapping what we call the Karate Chop spot that is the fleshy part on the outside edge of your hand below the little finger. Then tap each of these points:
- Eyebrow point on the beginning of the ridge of the eyebrow, nearest your nose.
- Side of eye point on the bone outside the outer corner of your eye socket.
- Under the eye point under the middle of your eye but above the cheekbone.
- Under the nose point, directly under your nose and above your upper lip.
- Under the lower lip point in the indentation under the lower lip.
- Under the collarbone point approximately one inch below your collarbone.
- Under the arm point approximately four inches below the armpit on the side of the body.
Another of Dr, Gottman’s discoveries is that when the heart rate escalates, a person is not able to stay centered. EFT raises the Serotonin in the brain and relaxes the body. EFT Tapping can, "soothe the savage breast." Therefore, the stonewaller should tap around and around until he or she feels calm and can communicate without anger or frustration. As relaxation takes place it becomes easier to resolve disputes and think and speak clearly.
Once Terry realized that she wasn't crazy when she clammed up, she resolved that in her next relationship she would discuss this with her partner and let him know what stonewalling was and how she would handle it now that she too knew that it wasn’t a defect but a physical reaction to stress.
The partners or spouses of stonewallers can also tap to keep their reaction from getting out of hand. In fact, it works better if you both do it. Stonewallers deserve love and understanding. Practice the 3 simples steps to improve communication and let your love grow.
Learn more about how to use EFT in my FREE eBook "Creating Happiness."
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