Men, you better step your game up, because women are fed up with how you act on dating websites.
It's no secret that each gender can find aspects of online dating sites frustrating. Here is a list of the ones I hear most from female clients about the men online:
1. Seeking Super Models
If we follow the common culture, it's no secret that men are visually-oriented. But, in online dating especially, "normal" women feel like they can't get a man's attention if they aren't perfect.
Studies show that 2/3 of all messages sent by men go to the top 1/3 of attractive women. The struggle is that normal women know these men aren't perfect either. So, what does an imperfect girl have to do to get an imperfect guy's attention online? Women wish men were a little more reasonable about what is in their league and not.
2. Seeking Younger Women Only
Young women complain of only older men contacting them. Every other woman complains that men their own age don't contact them and/or list an age range of matches as much younger than they themselves are.
One of the founders of okCupid just came out with a book called Dataclysm detailing a lot of the data he's mined from the company. One fact is that men of nearly every age find women aged 21 to be most attractive. Men love younger women.
But, the amount of younger women wanting to date older men is not equal. Therefore, many a man who would love to picture himself with a hot young thing is not going to find a willing partner. If he moved his age requirements up to at least his own age, he'd increase his dating opportunities almost exponentially.
Women your own age are great for having common interests and experiences, and believe it or not, energy levels. As young as you feel you are, there is a woman out there who feels just as young as you do. This woman sums it up when she says, "I'm a get up and go 52-year-old and the majority of men are now 'old' at that age. The 50+ active ones go for much younger women, and I'm not going to go for a 70-year-old."
3. Not Making a Move
Modern women know that anything a man can, do they can do, too. But, that isn't an excuse for a man to sit back and not reach out if he's interested. Women go crazy when men look and look at their profile but never do anything further.
4. Not Asking Questions from a Well-Written Profile
A woman takes a lot of time to write her profile and thinks she says a lot of interesting things. Then, a guy messages her and just says, "hi, how are you today?" She finds that guy isn't really interested in who she really is.
5. Bad or Old Pictures
Men are notorious for being visually stimulated, but often don't offer women the same with their own photos. Photos of men are often scarce, poorly lit, blurry, or show them wearing sunglasses and hats. Even worse, men use photos that are clearly old, or fill their profile with photos of things—cars, boats, mountains, or other people.
6. Bad Grammar
Misspellings, poorly constructed sentences, and the most disturbing, "text type" (hey grl how u 2day). Any of the above can make men look lazy or unintelligent. Neither is something women find attractive.
7. Being Lazy in How you Contact
Winks or uninspired email attempts that are copy and pasted. Women can tell, and they don't like it.
8. Getting Sexual Too Soon
Just because a woman is online doesn't make her an object for illicit conversations. If you wouldn't say it to her face, you shouldn't say it online.
9. Men Who Can't Take No For an Answer
Most times it's not a fit. But, if it's not a match, you can't be aggressive or rude about it. If you take a look at any given woman's profile, she often describes the man she's looking for as kind, loving, sweet, and sincere. When men who contact her online display anything but those qualities, being confrontational or name-calling makes her feel even more validated to not have pursued you. The instagram of #byefelipe has way too many examples of this.
The good news is that all of these things are fixable. With a little spit and polish men can become online heartthrobs. I'm not playing gender favorites, as women have their own share of frustrating habits. I will answer this piece with men's top complaints as well. Tell me your thoughts below.