Stop Telling Women To Email Men First


Stop Telling Women To Email Men First
Read on to see why this hurts your chances of actually getting your online date to ask you out.

1. Logic never lead anyone to a relationship. I hate that fact. I love that A+B=C so much, that I want logic to rule every interaction. It doesn't. Especially where matters of heart are concerned. The sooner you accept this, the sooner you'll be on the path to finding someone. So the article made a lot of logical points right? And I am sure they make sense in your rational brain. But logic doesn't lead you to love. You should be able to email the man first. It just doesn't work that way though. Just because you want to believe that a woman can do everything a man can do, doesn't make it a good idea. Wanting to believe that you can email a man first and he will still pursue you will not make that happen.

2. What about all those guys that say they like it when women make the first move? Were those guys lying? Nope. I believe that men would say the same with rifles pointed to their chests and attached to a passing lie detector. But I also believe if you surveyed a room full of women and asked them, are you flattered if a man tells you you're beautiful? Every single woman would say yes. It's important to look not at what's being answered but what is being implied.

Of course men like the attention, it's nice! Just because he's flattered doesn't mean he wants to date you. It doesn't mean it will lead him to pursue you. In the same way you're flattered a man tells you you're beautiful, being flattered doesn't mean you want to sleep with him. Just because the woman emails the man, this will not make him more likely to pursue her.

3. Biology hasn't changed. We've evolved intellectually, we have not evolved biologically. Men are still hunters. Women are still nurturers. And men will value that which they have to work for and hunt.

Do you know any literal hunters? I grew up in the south, where men often participate in this past-time. For every head or buck on their wall, is a story. If you ask them the story behind any of those hunts, look to the ones where his eyes light up at the mention. It's not always the biggest horns. Their favorite head is the one that gave them the greatest hunt. They'll tell you the story of how they saw it but it just kept being out of their reach, until finally out of their own sheer will, determination and cunning, they got the buck.

Men value women in the same way. He doesn't care for the fat buck that just laid there and never put up a run. Even if it is the most beautiful of all the creatures; he values the one he worked for. There is a finesse to that. The buck was still attainable to him, never completely out of his sight, but she keeps him working for her. You can appeal to his biology to want to hunt you, but hunting him does not make him hunt you back.

4. Emailing a man first during online dating has confused him. He may be initially stoked, but now he doesn't know the rules of how to proceed. Since you emailed him first, does he ask for your number or are you going to ask for his? Men are already confused by women, reversing the roles has left him befuddled. Unfortunately this means more often than not, he won't take the lead, requiring you do it , which is probably still frustrating to you.

I've seen it often, rarely working out well for the female.

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Gina Stewart

Dating Coach

Gina Stewart is the happy owner of, where she helps daters get more from their online dating experience and getting better dates. Chosen by as one of the 10 Best Online Dating Experts, Expert Online Dating specializes in helping men and women maximize their online dating experiences with knockout profile writing, picture selection, messaging techniques and account management. All expertly crafted to get you out meeting better dates!

Location: LA/OC Califonia, CA
Credentials: BS
Specialties: Online Dating
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