6 Ways To Make Online Dating A Little Less Terrifying


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Set personal boundaries before your first date and other ways to ease the pain of online dating.

The idea of a first blind can be terrifying. You don't know what to expect; you worry about whether or not the person will like you ... not to mention whether or not you'll like him! How should you act? What should you wear? Where should you go? How can you make sure you're safe?

I recommend setting your boundaries and expectations about dating before you even make the first contact. And be yourself. Be yourself even more on the first few dates than you are in your daily life. Should You Sleep With Him On The First Date?


A few more helpful hints:

  1. Decide which times you have available during the week to go on a date ahead of time and don't change it if his schedule doesn't match up. Look at the next week if nothing works this week. There should not be a sense of urgency. If there is, that should raise red flags for you. After all, what's the hurry?
  2. Decide ahead of time which places you think would be comfortable for you to meet a stranger on a first, second or third date. While you can remain open to other suggestions, it is always good to be clear in your own mind what you will feel comfortable with. If you generally give into others, you might decide that negotiation isn't an option ... at least not initially.
  3. Decide ahead of time what your time limit will be for the date. Generally, even if you really like someone, you don't need more than two hours on a first date. Sometimes, when people really hit it off, they want to let the first date go on and on and sometimes a short meeting for coffee stretches out to dinner and then to drinks and then to bed. But that's not really the best way for a relationship to start off. We all agree and know that, right?
  4. Decide ahead of time how much time you think is good between dates one and two. Also decide how much contact (e.g. texting, telephone and emailing) you think is healthy or comfortable for you and stick to it.
  5. Talk openly and honestly about who you are. Resist the temptation to "be the person he wants" and let it all hang out.
  6. Make a checklist of qualities you want and compare him to it. If there are a lot of things that don't match up but you really liked him, think about what that really means. Why would you be attracted to someone who doesn't have some or most of the qualities that are important to you?

If you really want to start off right and find a good person, stick to your limits and expect him to stick to his.

As always I appreciate your feedback and requests for topics for my blogs!

Article contributed by
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Gina Schuchman


Gina R. Schuchman, M.S.W., L.I.C.S.W.






Location: Edina, MN
Credentials: LICSW, MSW
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