ProConnect

When Does It Make Sense to Forgive?

By

When Does It Make Sense to Forgive?
Think about Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson. Would you forgive her? Read more here.

By Relationship & Sex Talk, Jane Greer, Ph.D., for GalTime.com

More from YourTango: Want To Improve Your Marriage? Get Organized With Weekly Meetings


When Kristen Stewart admitted to cheating on boyfriend and Twilight co-star Robert Pattinson, it was all over the news. So it was surprising to see that the recent buzz about Robert's forgiving Kristin was tucked away in the New York Post where it could easily have been missed. Since then, however, various magazines are, in fact, writing about their reported reuniting.

Their situation raises several issues. The first is, given that the treacherous betrayal made the headlines repeatedly, it was interesting that the potential reconciliation was initially glossed over. Secondly, why is it that when women cheat, the impact of the story has a different tone, almost as though they are held to higher expectations, from when men cheat? And finally, and most important, when does it make sense to forgive someone?

Related: The Real Reasons We Cheat

We see it time and time again, but usually from the other side; male celebrities and politicians having affairs. Not only do the women often decide to stand by their side and stay with them, but the public is generally willing to accept the apologies from the men and move on without it having to bring down their relationship or career.

So why does it seem different when a woman cheats? They seem to take a harder hit. If people do forgive, they certainly remember. Meg Ryan is still known for cheating on Russell Crowe. LeAnne Rimes is remembered for admitting to cheating on her then-husband Dean Sheremet. Their betrayals can resonate for years, and can contaminate their careers.

In the same way, Kristen Stewart's actions may stick with her. Concern about movie sales dropping are focused on her behavior and what she did with Snow White & The Huntsman director Rupert Sanders, not so much around what he did. It is as if the standards are separate, and women are still condemned with The Scarlet Letter.

In reality, there shouldn't be any difference. No matter who is cheating, it is a scalding experience for anyone that sometimes can be forgiven and sometimes cannot. The options for men and women are the same.

More from YourTango: How Often Should You Bathe Your Baby?

When all is said and done, the ability to forgive boils down to a few considerations. The first is how important is this person to you? How much shared history do you have together, how much joy do they bring to your life, and how strong is your chemistry? The second consideration is, has this ever happened before? Is it the first time, and they are stepping up to the plate with a readiness to rebuild your trust and strengthen the relationship? Or has this happened in the past and, while they may have apologized, they never did the work to regain your trust?

Related: Can Cheaters Ever Change?

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Recent Expert Posts
How to Date Higher Quality Men: 5 Changes You Must Make First

Want To Date A Higher Quality Man? 5 Changes You Must Make First

Learn how to attract and date higher quality men, and have the dating life you've always wanted.

Natural Solutions To Dealing With A Nervous Breakdown

You Had A Nervous Breakdown. Now What? 4 Steps To Take To Heal

You have to understand that you don't have to say yes to everything.

Relationships: How To Run From A Toxic Relationship

5 Signs You're In A Toxic Relationship (And How To Get Out)

Most of us can admit to remaining in a toxic relationship well beyond its expiration date.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS