Typically, “I find that we are pre-programmed, even if only subconsciously, to find all the reasons not to see someone again. If we make it our mission to find not only one but five redeeming qualities, I find that it helps to keep our focus in the right direction.”
Ikka likens this process to what people experience during yoga when they concentrate on their breathing. “(Doing this) stills the mind, allows you to be present, and ensures that your practice is as wholesome as possible. The same thing happens on a date when you actively seek out the positive rather than lazily observing or concocting the negative.”
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Here are some of Ikka’s recommendations regarding when to consider another date:
· You felt energized (or neutral), but not drained, upon leaving the date.
· It wasn’t difficult to be present during the conversation (i.e., you were not too easily distracted and didn’t “zone out” often or at all).
· You weren’t devising an exit strategy as soon as you arrived.
· You were not offended or uncomfortable at any point during the date.
· You learned something new on the date.
· You didn’t wish that you had stayed in your PJs on the couch instead.
· There is still more for you to learn about your date.
· You don’t have any other prospects.
· You do have other prospects but want to keep your options open.
· You’re not sure about the person.
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Another tip that Ikka borrowed from her friend, Natalie, is to simply ask yourself one question (and one question only) at the end of a date, which is, “Do I want to see this person again?” The answer should be yes or no—nothing more than that. Ikka says that if the answer is “yes,” just go for it and don’t question it, second guess it, or seek other opinions. If the answer is “no” and the reason is anything less than suspicion of criminal behavior, Ikka says you may want to revisit your rationale and be sure it’s based on fact.
According to Ikka, some of the real deal-breakers (aka when to end it) include the following:
· Your date said things that offended you, your value system, or your character.
· You felt uncomfortable at any point during the date.
· Your date used excessive profanity or language that you found sexually explicit/inappropriate.
· Your date spoke negatively about their ex(es) for a prolonged period of time.
· Your date made advances after you already said “no.”
· Your date was preoccupied with sex and didn’t seem interested in getting to know the real you.
· Your date was rude to the wait staff (or, worse yet, to you).
· Your date showed signs of anger management issues.
· Your date was a “glass half empty” type of person.
· You couldn’t stay focused on the conversation, despite a fair effort.
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· Your date was critical of you.