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What Your Kids Learn from Your Marriage

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What Your Kids Learn from Your Marriage
Like it or not kids can learn alot from relationships they witness first hand- including yours.

 

By Relationship Coach, Nancy Pina, for GalTime.com

More from YourTango: Want To Improve Your Marriage? Get Organized With Weekly Meetings

parenting the way you want

Have you heard parents say in amazement, “I sound just like my Mom (or Dad)”!

The words that made them want to flee the room as a child seem to flow right out of their own mouths as parents.

Instinctively, kids can pinpoint hot spots and become the sandpaper to old hurts.

As a relationship coach, I believe preparation is key to teaching a better way. It is wise to address individual hot buttons early in love when looking ahead to marriage and raising a family.

Bringing those issues out into the open will reduce its emotional punch when those thorns rise to the surface through your future kids.

It's Generational

My experience shows that generational cycles grow stronger, not weaker in one’s children. We are all designed to find soul fulfillment in our sense of belonging, worthiness and competency. It is your ability as a future parent to have the capacity to communicate and instill this sense of wholeness.

Related: How to Be The Best Role Model For Your Child

You can read all kinds of parenting books, but without a solid foundation, you will be unable to write emotionally healthy scripts for them. What you will do is fall back on what is already programmed in your mind from your formative years. What is in your subconscious mind cannot be totally erased; but you can rewrite your truths to make those go-to reactions a distant memory.

As a couple, it is important to be united in the way to raise your family. Those communicated messages will have a huge influence on your kids future success, happiness and emotional stability.

The Better Way

More from YourTango: How Often Should You Bathe Your Baby?

Preparing to teach a better way starts with your relationship. Contrary to popular trends, kids are not the center of attention in the family unit. It is important to model the following in your relationship to build their character.

Practicing forgiveness: Learning how to resolve conflict without the drama of punishing each other with long silences and days of tension is paramount in teaching your kids a better way. If you work together to address the real source of disagreements and deepen your understanding of each other, you can show by example the path from conflict to understanding, resolution to deeper love.

Leading a disciplined life: Your children will learn reliability and dependability through your model as a couple. You do not lead an indulgent life in doing whatever you feel like at the moment. Spontaneity, entertainment and pleasure is balanced in a disciplined life, but those are not the primary drivers. Children need stability and structure over entertainment to feel safe and secure.

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