I'll go so far as to say this, too: Not making much of an effort is passive aggressive. It says, "I shouldn't HAVE to make an effort." Or worse: "Prove to me why I should." Eeesh. This sends a message not just about how you feel about your appearance, but about how you view relationships. If you don't make an effort now, why would you make an effort at any other point? It may start with lipstick and raking a comb through your hair. But it becomes how much of an effort you make to listen to and understand him, how invested you are in keeping your passion alive. Being accountable and willing to rise to the occasion matters.
Girl Shows Up to Date Unshowered
Case in point: A male coaching client of mine went on a first date recently--a brunch date. Turns out the girl figured since it wasn't a Saturday night, she had a license to be sloppy. Unless you're a French model, the just-woke-up look won't work for you or most. He reported that she made no effort--no make up, hair a mess. He got the impression she fell out of bed with a hangover. It was a turnoff.
"Is it crazy to want a girl who looks put together with some effort? Just not sexy to me if you didn't try," he wrote to me.
No, it's not crazy. Not at all. You don't have to get all tarted up in a way that's unnatural to you so that you can get the guy to like you. But you do have to turn up the dial. And if your instinct is to reach for what's merely "comfortable," rethink it. When you make an effort to really shine in your appearance, you send a message not only that he is worth that effort, but that you are, too.
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