What If You Have Different Parenting Styles?
By GalTime .com. Posted on .
by Amy Hoglund, for GalTime.com
How parents can work together better, even if they disagree
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You both want the best for your child. There’s only one problem; actually agreeing on what the “best” is.
What one parent could think is a great idea; the other may view differently. This is normal -- a lot of parents butt heads on the “right” way to raise their kids. There are all kids of parenting styles; you’re not going to agree on everything, but how can you solve this conflict and meet in the middle?
Frankly, it's rare for a mom and dad to parent similarly says Fran Walfish, PsyD., child and family psychotherapist and author in Beverly Hills.
"To be a good parent each mom and dad must be comfortable doing two things at the same time - nurture/love and setting/following-through on boundaries and limits. If one parent does one thing and the other parent does another, you are each only doing half of your full job,” Dr. Walfish says.
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Take Nancy for example. She experiences this often with her husband but they work through it.
“My husband and I have different parenting styles. For the small things, I let the differences ride," Nancy explains. "The kids can seem to handle the differences. Anything that seems to cause stress in the family then we have a family meeting and discuss as a family how we want to handle certain situations. We then come up with a family solution, and as a family we monitor how it is working. It resolves the tension.”
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The main obstacle is coming up with an agreement and working from there. Here is Dr. Walfish advises to parents.
TOP TIPS FOR PARENTS TO GET ON THE SAME PAGE
- Take an honest, painful look within and identify your own parenting style.
- Have an open dialogue with your spouse by owning your personal parenting style and asking him to do the same.
- Articulate the values, morals, and behaviors you want to impart to your children. Listen to your spouse articulate hers.
- Agree that you both need to make adjustments in the best interests of the children.
- Try your best to come to a modification pact in which both you and your spouse change what you do so that you are both closer to center.
- If you can't come to a comfortable agreement seek consultation with a counselor, therapist, priest, rabbi, teacher, or friend.
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