By Kelly Rouba, GalTime.com
Since it first aired a few weeks ago, a TLC's Virgin Diaries has created quite a stir. For those who haven't seen it, the show followed the lives of several individuals hoping to meet that special someone to whom they'd finally lose their virginity. Perhaps the most captivating (in an awkward sort of way) among those interviewed was a couple on the verge of tying the knot.
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Hoping to find bliss on their wedding night, the newlyweds soon learned that sex isn't always orgasmic. In reality, most "sexcapades" fall short for one reason or another and in this case, the wife admitted her first time was painful and not what she expected.
While that's not unusual, what's worse is when you're in the heat of the moment and your partner does something so completely unnerving-something so jarring-that you just want to crawl under the sheets and disappear.
The list of sexual faux pas we all want to avoid can be endless (from passing gas to calling our lover the wrong name), so we've asked relationship expert and founder of dating consultancy www.sittinginatree.com Stacie Ikka to narrow it down by offering her unique perspective on what she considers the most offensive.
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1. Expecting your lover to be a mind-reader
"I personally don't subscribe to the concept of someone being 'bad in bed," Ikka says. "Sure, some people understand better than others how to please a potential partner. However, to say someone is 'bad in bed,' I think, is entirely unfair."
Ikka cautions, "Many (people) are quick to dismiss an initial physical attraction and that elusive 'chemistry' when the electricity doesn't translate into amazing sex in the bedroom. But, what is often missing is communication. You can't expect your partner to know what turns you on and how to please you, especially if it's a new partner. In a healthy relationship, the sex actually gets better over time, as you get to know each other and feel comfortable communicating your sexual needs, desires, and preferences."
2. Being a selfish lover
"(Sex) isn't always about reaching orgasm," Ikka says, noting, "This is about showing a genuine interest in pleasing your partner and communicating with them on an intimate
level. In a healthy relationship, there is a natural give-and-take that doesn't feel like either party is keeping score."
3. Revealing too much too soon
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"Although communication, lack of judgment, open-mindedness, spontaneity, and experimentation go a long way in a healthy sexual relationship, revealing too much, too soon may scare your partner away," Ikka warns. "It's best to ease into kink, fetish, fantasy, and adventure slowly and cautiously-and only when you feel that the foundation of the overarching relationship is one built on trust and emotional safety."
4. Using sex as a weapon (i.e. a double-edged sword)