Divorce: 5 Steps For Surviving The Big D [EXPERT]

Goin' Through The Big D. That was the title and chorus of a song I loved in high school ... nice country twang, good lyrics and a toe-tappin' beat made it easy to dance to and listen loud as I drove through my hometown.  I thought it was a fun song and a good, lighthearted way to talk about divorce. Of course, that was until I went through 'the big D' myself. Suddenly, it wasn't so funny.

If you've never been through a divorce and wonder what the big deal is — let me tell you — it's not pretty. Imagine being run over by a Mack truck repeatedly, or having your house burn down while you stand by, helpless. Yes, divorce is that bad. Why You Should Date Your Complement, Not Your Clone EXPERT

It's heart-wrenching watching the dreams you had crumble around you. It's awful to see what was supposed to be ours become mine and yours. If you have children, it's terrible explaining to them what is happening and seeing the confusion and sadness in their eyes.

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What do you do when your life falls apart around you and you feel powerless? I'm not a counselor, but from my experiences, in my opinion, there are some key things to remember when you're divorcing that will help you not only survive, but thrive:

1.  Give yourself permission to feel. One of my favorite sayings is "abnormal feelings in abnormal circumstances are perfectly normal." Allow yourself to grieve. 

2. Take time to heal. It is my belief that people need at least a year post-divorce to really heal from what happened. That year should include deepening your spiritual practices, seeking out a qualified therapist who can assist with the transition and re-evaluating what really matters in your life.

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3. Don't rush into dating. Far too many people in my office rush into dating just to soothe the ache of divorce but what they end up doing is delaying their healing.  If you were in a horrible car accident, you wouldn't try to leave the ICU and drive again before you've recovered ... Why do that with relationships? Depression: A Family Affair EXPERT

4. Own your part of the failed relationship. Even if your ex is the worst person on earth, you had a role in what happened. The only way to full freedom is to own your part and the only person you can change is you. Take responsibility for you and your whole life will improve.

5. Resist the temptation to shut down. When you're in excruciating pain, it's easy to want to isolate and never love again. Don't. Take the lessons from your failed marriage, improve yourself and know that now that you know better, you'll do better. 

If you take the time to apply the tips above, you will not regret it.  No matter how difficult it feels right now always hold tight to the truth that this too shall pass. It will. And when it's over, you'll look back on the journey with gratitude for the growth you've had.