By Dr. Ann Gatty for GalTime
No one has to tell you that going through a divorce can cause stress. Coping with it can be one of the most difficult life transitions that people experience. You wake up one morning and find that you are suddenly single and stressed.
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When I divorced my spouse, I had to deal with the disruption and restructuring of my day-to-day living arrangements, and develop a cohesive transition for my children. I also knew that to develop a sense of self esteem and dodge the feeling of overwhelming stress, I needed to establish a new identity as an individual, not a partner in a couple relationship. It is easy to become overwhelmed, stressed, depressed and angry during the time of a divorce. Here are three strategies I used to help me successfully navigate through the transition.
1. Stop the blame game
Yes, bad things happen to good people! We all know this. But if you suddenly find yourself picking up the remnants of a broken relationship, the last thing you need to do is start the blame game. No woulda, shoulda’s or coulda’s can change the situation. We are subject to our own flawed human traits and, yes, a relationship that fails is caused by a lot of different reasons. Learn, and move on.
If you are like I was, a newly single mom, there is a greater reason for avoiding the blame game. The children are watching how you handle the situation, and I needed to show them that I could stay positive and move through the transition without staying angry and stressed. It may be challenging to keep a positive attitude, but the more I projected a healthy perspective and developed a comfortable daily routine for my family, the better my kids reacted.
2. Get creative
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Why not use this transition to create a newly minted chapter in your life? I took the time to stop and reassess my strengths that I could use to create a satisfying and productive life chapter. There is no one magic formula for raising your kids, so by emphasizing our strengths, we can create a strategy that will be successful for everyone, including the kids. It is important to be creative and resourceful.
I took this time of change, and decided to incorporate strategies that allowed my children to participate in creating a comfortable home life. For example, what family chores could they take on that would allow them to contribute to the new lifestyle? We reconfigured the household management chores formerly shared by two adults so that I was not overwhelmed as the single adult, and the children could gain a sense of contributing.