I recently received an email from a reader about a issue that's all too common for women today-- low sex drive.
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Dear Dr. Jane,
Help! I feel like my sex drive is parked at a STOP sign. How can I rev my libido up and get it back on track?
Before figuring out how to get your libido back, it can be helpful to determine or check out what may be at play that made you lose it in the first place.
Typical issues that can impact and lower libido:
- Dealing with depression, stress, being exhausted and/or overwhelmed with responsibilities,
- Being ill or dealing with a family member who is ill
- Physical and/or hormonal changes that occur.
In addition, there are also of course emotional issues that can factor into the equation and result in feeling turned off sexually to one's partner. If you are feeling angry, ignored, rejected, unappreciated, devalued, are upset cause your partner doesn't listen to or relate to you, any one of these negative emotions can throw the switch on your desire to the off position.
Related: What is a Normal Sex Drive?
And, it isn't always about what's going on or not in the relationship, it can also be about what is or isn't going on for you personally in terms of how you are feeling about yourself, your weight, appearance, how attractive you feel which all effect your self-esteem.
So if you figure out what you think might be going on for you, it can help you to determine which of the various options for jumpstarting your libido might be most effective.
How to Jumpstart Your Libido
1. Make a Appointment to See the Doctor: Check out physical considerations with a doctor’s visit and see if there are changes taking place. It's possible that simply adding lubrication to your sex life can make a difference in desire
2. Think it Through: Pinpointing if you are feeling unattractive and taking steps to rev up your self-esteem to make yourself feel good-- go to the gym, get a manicure, style your hair, go on a diet. Anything to feel positive and increase your energy and sense of well-being.
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3. Talk it Out: If your sense is that it's about what is or isn't going on between you and your spouse, it may be time for a conversation to address your feelings and share your needs directly. If more affection is what you're looking for, let your spouse know. If your upset and angry talk it out with him so it doesn’t continue to dampen your desire.