Dear Dr. G.,
My friends and I are so happy that you answer questions from teenagers. We are three senior girls in high school who are going to college next year and don't know what to do about our boyfriends. We don't know if we should keep these relationships or break up before we go to college. We like our boyfriends but we think that we may want to date in college and have new experiences. Should we break up now or in college? Are we being stupid breaking up with nice guys and will we regret it? We don't want to ask our parents because we don't want to fight. Can you help us, please?
3 Confused Teenage Girls
You are asking some very good questions and I am delighted that you wrote to me.
My personal bias is that it is very difficult to maintain long-distance relationships if you are going to different colleges than your boyfriends. Long-distance relationships tend to be difficult for many reasons including:not seeing each other much, misunderstandings, a growing interest in people around you, and developing new interests that may make you grow apart.
I know that it is very scary not only to go away to college, but also to change the nature of relationships. It is very important that you talk to your boyfriends. They may be having the same feelings that you do. On the other hand, they may be very hurt about the idea of breaking up. Be prepared though because your boyfriends may surprise you by wanting to break up.
If you decide with your boyfriends to give your high school relationships a go while you are away at college then it is important to have a discussion about the following:
Are you going to date others?
How frequently will you be in contact?
How often do you expect to see each other?
Does either of you have a tendency toward jealousy?
I can't stress how important it is to discuss these issues in person and before you go way to school.