If your ex filed for divorce first, left you or neglected you sexually or romantically, you may feel rejected and unattractive, and you may marry the first person who makes you feel the spark or lavishes you with compliments.
In addition, second and third marriages often involve the challenges of dealing with stepchildren and/or difficult ex-es. If those challenges aren’t anticipated and addressed, a remarriage can be shaky from Day One.
The good news is that divorce statistics---sobering as they may be---are only evidence of what has happened in other people’s marriages.
They don’t predict how your marriage will turn out. If you or your future spouse are getting married for the second, third, or even the fourth time, you can “beat the odds” if you’re well-matched, emotionally mature, and truly understand what went wrong in the past---including accepting responsibility for your own mistakes or wrongdoing.
But if you recognize yourself or your partner in at least one of the scenarios I listed, you should temporarily hold off on getting remarried. You may need to do more soul-searching. You may need to have frank discussions with your partner, and ask him or her some tough questions. You may even need to seek outside help from a therapist or other professional. But all of this will be worth it if you can enter into your new marriage knowing that you’ve done everything in your power to ensure that you’re not setting yourself up for another divorce.
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Jim Duzak, the “Attorney at Love”, is author of Mid-Life Divorce and the Rebirth of Commitment (Cold Tree Press, 2007) and has spent his entire adult life dealing with issues of marriage, divorce, single-parenting, post-divorce dating, and remarriage.