ProConnect

Online Dating Isn’t a Threat to Monogamy —It’s a Blessing

By

Online Dating Isn’t a Threat to Monogamy —It’s a Blessing

By Terri Trespicio for GalTime.com

Online dating is revolutionizing all relationships -- whether you're dating or not.

More from YourTango: Want To Improve Your Marriage? Get Organized With Weekly Meetings

 

For most of recorded history women did not have romantic options. You married the dude who your family deemed appropriate, and he likely lived within a quarter mile, and you stayed with him for life, like or not.

When I interviewed Dan Slater, author of Love in the Time of Algorithms (excerpted in The Atlantic, in a piece called "A Million First Dates”) on my show on Sirius XM, he agreed that it’s changing the way we view commitment. He also said that those who are happy don't have that much to worry about.

 

But for those of you in less-than-ideal situations, or relationships that have gone south, online dating--even if you don't actually use it -- creates this sense of options. That this doesn't have to be it for you.

RELATED 10 Words NOT to Use in Your Online Profile

 

This is the best news ever. Because if the only way you think you can "keep" a man or woman is by eliminating his or her other options, that means you want an inmate, not a life mate.

More from YourTango: How Often Should You Bathe Your Baby?

The internet didn't invent options--it just brought them a little closer--made it a little easier, yes. But if you were under the impression that disconnecting someone's internet is all you need to do to keep someone from having options? Yeah, that's not gonna work.

Look, I've struggled with this myself -- I worried that the more options someone had, the less likely he was to choose me. That's not a technology problem. That's a self-esteem problem.

Could someone decide to be with someone else instead of me? Of course! Always. That's something you can't ever protect yourself against -- not you, not me, not anyone. But what I'm realizing is that what I'd rather have is someone who chooses me and continues to choose me, regardless of the other options.

 

RELATED 5 Red Flags in Online Dating Profiles

Lest you think I'm not a romantic, I'll remind you that there's nothing romantic about being stuck in something going nowhere fast. You don't get points for martyrdom. Just a sucky life.

 

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Recent Expert Posts
Summer Couple

Ditch Your Need for Certainty: Cultivate These Nine Traits

Sometimes we find ourselves on the precipice of a decision and become paralyzed. We hesitate ...

Smooches

The Least & Most Open-Minded Cities In Online Dating

Wondering if your city is open-minded when it comes to online dating? Check out this data from Zoosk

Faith

3 Ways to Define Who You Want To Be

Sometimes the best way to know who you want to be is to notice how you react in the here and now.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS