ProConnect

The One Thing He Can't Do For You

By

The One Thing He Can't Do For You
Learn what to ask of your man what he can actually deliver.

By Marcus Osborne for GalTime.com

If there’s one thing that I’m constantly reminding people of when they tap me on the shoulder seeking advice about their either their particular situation or some general question, it’s this: people asking for advice have usually already made up their minds about their issue.

More from YourTango: The Key to a Lasting Relationship

So why are they asking for advice? Because they want someone to either validate what they’ve already decided or they want to be talked out of what they’ve already decided.

I most often try to approach these situations from the position of being “the reminder.” So as I begin this column, I do so with the knowledge that most people reading it will slap their palms against their heads and go, “Duh! I knew that!”

Sometimes a reminder is needed. You need this reminder: If you don’t admire yourself, you can’t expect your partner to do it for you.

Your guy can’t be held accountable for your self-esteem. It’s just not fair to him. And he certainly isn’t equipped to be your therapist. Which isn’t to say that he can’t or shouldn’t be there for you when you’re feeling a little insecure or having the random dark day. He absolutely should be there. You want your partner to periodically be your rock and vice versa.

But if you’re a person who’s self-esteem and/or self-confidence is inextricably tied to things like the way you look or what other people think of you (including your partner) there are issues that need to be dealt with by a professional. In a perfect world, we’d all feel great about who we are and how we look before we get involved in a relationship. And we all have our insecurities, but if the person who is always down on themselves, always picking yourself apart, always telling your guy --- the guy who has decided to commit himself to a serious relationship with you—how ugly you are, how fat you are, how awful everything is going to be, how unbelievable it is that he would want you, you don’t have to worry about him being turned off by you because you’re doing all the heavy lifting for him. And he’s not going to want to have to argue about how attractive you are to him.

YOU: “I look so disgusting!”

HIM: “I think you look amazing.”

YOU: “That’s so untrue. I know you’re just saying that.”

HIM: “No, I’m not. That’s the way I feel.”

More from YourTango: Words That Wound Men

YOU: “You don’t have to lie to me. I can look in the mirror and see what I look like.” Keep Reading...

More love advice from YourTango

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Recent Expert Posts
Staying Dry

10 Signs Your Guy is Smitten

Does that new hunky guy you've been dating see you in his future? Here are 10 ways he'll show you.

Girl Decorates Easter Eggs

Rebirth Renew Happy Easter!

Five ways to get going on your best life today!

Texting Your Way To Love

How To Have Cyber Sex: 5 Keys To Unlock Your Lady's Passion

Cyber sex partners disappearing right when things are heating up? Make them crave you instead!

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS