My Friend’s Husband Hit On Me: Now What?


My Friend’s Husband Hit On Me: Now What?

Once you have taken care of yourself, you will probably want to decide how you will proceed. While on the surface the answer to this dilemma may seem obvious, situations such as this are rarely so easy to delineate.

Here are a few of the factors you should be prepared to think about before deciding what you plan to do.


Consider the context. No matter how you try and frame it, dealing with an unexpected advance is difficult. The circumstances under which this event occurred will probably play into how you plan to proceed. Think through the situation: did your friend’s spouse give a quick peck that he immediately acknowledged was inapropriate, or did he touch you in an unexpected and inappropriate way? Did he immediately acknowledge he made a misstep, or did he try and blow it off as if it was no big deal or simply an innocent mistake? Maybe he presented as offended or insistent because he ‘knew’ you wanted him to do this. Did he offer an understanding explanation? Where were you when this occurred? How did you feel right after? Don’t be afraid to acknowledge that you are human. Were the two of you caught up in an intense conversation or  did you share a mutual moment of excitement even victory when he impulsively expressed his affection? If so, did he apologize immediately and acknowledge with genuine regret and/or embarrassment that he never should have acted so impulsively? Were you able to talk through this indiscretion and agree that it should never have happened and won’t happen again?

See the situation from your friend’s perspective. When deciding what, if anything, you intend to tell your friend, try to put yourself in her shoes. Would you want to know if your husband took a momentary misstep, or would you only want to be told if he made a no holds bar all out pass? Do you believe you would you be better off not knowing? Perhaps you feel you would want to be informed no matter what happened. How would you react? Can you really be sure you know?

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Her reaction may not be what you expected. No matter how good of a friend she is, you may not be able to accurately predict how she will respond. Prepare yourself for the worst and hope for the best. There is always the chance that she takes it in stride. Indiscretions are often an indication that a marriage is on the rocks. If you are a single mom it may be easier for your friend to turn the blame on you. This may not be fair but people in desperate situations often act in unexpected and egregious ways.

This may or may not be the end of a beautiful friendship. If your friend has an adverse reaction toward you after she finds out about the incidence don’t assume all is lost. This type of news is bound to cause her some embarrassment, shame and yes maybe even guilt. After all, would you want to acknowledge that you are married to a real cad? If she turns the tables and tries to deflect the blame on to you, you may decide you no longer want/need her as a friend. Time and space however, can provide much needed repair and solace. It is sad that the actions of another could spoil the connection you have forged with your friend and confidante.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
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