By SMF Marcus Osborne for GalTime.com
There are so many roadblocks to lasting, loving, relationships in our lives that I can’t help but to cringe when I hear some of the dealbreakers that people throw up on those cockamamie love lists they construct.
Can’t be black, can’t be divorced, can’t be under 6’1”, can’t make less than one-hundred grand a year, can’t drive a hooptie ( if you’re unfamiliar with the term “hooptie” consult your urban dictionary) blah, blah, blah.
Why do we do it? What’s worse, we often fail to acknowledge our own shortcomings as we judge the next person. Boy, we can be self-centered. But that’s another story to be told another time. Some of these “can’t be’s” appear on these lists with rather alarming regularity. Can’t be divorced?? Are you kidding? Good luck with that one after age 30.
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And there’s such an overt bias against single parents or adults with kids from a previous relationship – wow! When you think about the debris of judgment these folks have to swim through in the dating pool on a regular basis, it boggles the mind. Why are they so persecuted? Why are they filtered out so quickly?
Yes, there’s plenty of baby-mama/baby-daddy drama to spare in many a single mom/dad’s world. But I’d submit that it’s not always a nightmare. As a matter of fact, I’d say it’s not nearly as awful a situation as we trick ourselves into believing it’ll be. But since we only hear about the disastrous outcomes of single-parent dating, we assume it’s the rule and not the exception. No one’s more averse to drama than yours truly, but I’d at least take a chance before taking the blanket approach to all single moms.
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Ok, so if the guy has 9 kids by 8 women or if she’s got 5 kids by 4 guys, there may be some issues. I cede the point. But if you’re really into a guy who has children from a previous relationship, why would you cut yourself off from him for that reason alone?
“Marcus, he was soooo great, but he’s got a kid.” I’ve heard this a million times, yet I still don’t completely get it. And I’m uncertain which gender draws a harder line on kids. From my own, unscientific poll, it seems that guys are a little more willing to date a woman who has kids from a prior marriage or relationship – but I could be wrong.
Mark this day on your calendar. Marcus Osborne said, “I could be wrong.”