Keeping track of who got more, or who won a particular negotiation, is characteristic of the type of short-term exchange relationships you have with car dealers, not the lasting, communal ones you have with people you love.
Have a Win-Win Mindset
Give-and-take involves negotiating, but not the kind of negotiating you do when buying a car. Negotiating with your partner in a lasting relationship should involve finding outcomes that are mutually satisfying. Resentment shouldn’t secretly build over any of the decisions you make together.
Consider Your Partner’s Perspective
Research has found that both parties end up with better outcomes when each is considering his or her partner’s interests — and the possible reasons behind them. Be careful to avoid making decisions based on assumptions about what your partner wants. Instead, listen carefully and consider what he’s telling you.
Focus on Feelings over Words
Accept that, sometimes, we cannot clearly express why we want what we want. We often get focused on explanations, but behavior is often driven by feelings, which are hard to put into words.
Compromise can be hard, but if you’re focused on the greater purpose of establishing a lasting relationship, you can find the strength to resist taking what you want all the time — and instead focus on giving to the one you love.
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