Is it Time to X-Out Your Ex?


Is it Time to X-Out Your Ex?
Just how harmful is your continued contact with your past?
By Jane Greer, Ph.D. for GalTime
can keeping in touch with an ex damage your current relationship?


Cameron Diaz is a good example of someone who does not burn her bridges of love. From A-Rod’s statement that he cherished her even after they broke up to her working with Justin Timberlake on a movie after they had a relationship, it is clear that she doesn’t cut people completely out of her life once the romance is gone. Some might say that’s a good thing, but what could it mean to her future relationships? If you’ve kept up with your exes, you might want to keep reading.

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Not all relationships end on a bad note. Sometimes the timing isn’t right, or the spark is gone, but you really still like the other person. Is it so bad to text or call every once in a while, to see how they are doing? It is especially easy to keep in touch these days. How many of you have looked up an ex on social media, like Facebook, and then sent a friend request? What harm could that cause? How much contact with an ex is okay? The answer is, it depends.

Related: Who Gets 'Custody' of Friends After a Split?

To begin with, does your current partner know you are in touch with your former partner? If so, and they don’t see it as a threat and truly don’t mind, then I would say a little contact with your old lover is harmless. If anything, that would speak to the trust that exists in your new relationship. But if you are keeping it a secret, that could be a red flag that there is more going on that you are not comfortable enough with to share with your new flame. If what you are doing with your ex is taking away from your new relationship – either by creating problems or by taking energy away from your new relationship, that might be an indication that it is time to close that door.

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Finally, there is the chance that you are fueling your ex’s possible hope that you will get back together, or maybe you are keeping that door open just in case things don’t work out this time around. If you are aware of that, shift your energy to the future, instead of the past, because it is probably holding you back. 

Sometimes it is what brought you together that endures. Other times, though, you might want to remember why you broke up in the first place.

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