Talk About Sex at the Kitchen Table. Don't bring up sexual dissatisfaction in bed. The danger of doing so is creating a negative association to a place that you want to be fun, exciting and positive. It is better to have these talks in a safe, non-sexual place such at the kitchen table. Also, make sure that the timing is right for these discussions; having them when tight on time or exhausted is likely to be unproductive.
Start Your Sentences with the Word "I". Say, for example, "I think it would help me get turned on if you…" rather than "You don't seem to know how to turn me on."
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Give Verbal and Nonverbal Instructions. During a sexual encounter, say "Move your hand here or there" or provide specific instructions or requests ("Softer please"). You can also communicate your desires by guiding your husband's hands the way you want them to go.
Compliment with Moans and Verbal Utterances. Often people moan during sex. These sounds, along with heavy breathing, are a way to tell our spouses what we like. Actual verbal utterances made during sex can also be used to give positive feedback. Telling your spouse "That feels good"" will reinforce what he's doing. There's an extra benefit as well: Research shows that making sounds increases the excitement of the person making them.
Review the Experience. Often, couples with the best sex lives are the ones who discuss it afterwards, including both what worked well and what could have gone better.
If your husband is a bad lover, teach him to be better using knowledge, good communication, and praise. If he still can't, or won't learn, then seek couple's therapy. I taught two teen daughters to drive, using the same teaching strategies. One did great and the other had difficulty. I sent that one to driving school. Sometimes a little help goes a long way.
What do you think? If things aren't quite right, should you speak up or accept your partner for who he is? Would you want him to tell you if you aren't exactly doing everything he wants?
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