Finding time for romance after welcoming your newborn
By Marina Sbrochi for GalTime.com
Time? What time you say? In between being a human milk maiden, poopy diaper-changer and barf-rag, your time is pretty much spoken for. I’ve been there. Three times. The good news is that with each new experience, a lesson is learned. You do have the time. It’s just changing the way you look at it.
Grab your partner and do-si-do. Here's how to make little bits of high-quality time with your love and why it's totally worth it.
Sex Makes You Sleep Better
Seriously. It does. For most of us, the last thing on the mind while living with a baby is usually sex. But what if I let you in on a little secret? You can have your cake and eat it, too! You want to sleep and he wants sex. By doing one first, the other comes even faster than you imagined. I swear it’s true. Trust me.
The next evening, when you are about to hit the sheets (it’s probably only 7:30pm) and your husband is raring to go, whisper in his ear, “Meet me in the bedroom in 3 minutes” and then sneak away to your bedroom. Do fifteen jumping jacks to get your weary blood moving. Slip under the sheets wearing nothing but your birthday suit. Oh, and try to not to look too out of breath from your jumping jacks.
Here’s the real trick, tell your brain that the only way to get solid, deep, joyful sleep is to orgasm. This is the only way you will get to sleep. The faster you orgasm, the sooner your sleep. When your husband walks in, your brain knows, this is your meal ticket to eight hours of uninterrupted slumber. I think you know what to do next. This is guaranteed to have you fast asleep in 15 minutes or less.
I know this doesn’t sound like quality time with your partner, but trust me, it is. When you have a new baby, you are most likely overwhelmed and overworked. This is where some relationships hit the skids. The kids come first and marriage comes last. The intimacy bond needs work too. By fulfilling the bedroom needs, you will be bringing you both closer, and for the long haul.
This is just a better word for the overused, eye-rollable term, Date Night. It usually means dinner and a movie. Sure, that’s fun, sometimes. Not all the time. You might as well sit at the table and read the newspaper and not talk to each other. So let’s think out of the box. Turn one Date Night every month into Party Time. Replace dinner and a movie with beer and bowling. How about the WarriorDash? How about a concert? How about cocktails and karaoke? Something different. Get rid of the boring “date” vibe and turn it into the vibe you had on your second date together.
Find a trusted babysitter and put her on standby once a month. Ask your parents to come watch the grandbaby. Or trade nights with a friend. You watch her baby one night (read: play date with your kids) and the next week you switch. There is always a way.
Trust me, it's better to spend the money now investing in some time to connect and have fun together than on divorce lawyers later. It’s harder to grow out of love with someone you are having fun with, right? So have fun!
Pen It In
That’s right -- pen, not pencil. You can find thirty minutes a few times a week after the baby goes to sleep. I know you can’t do it every night, but you can do it at least three nights a week. Put it in your calendar, your phone, your whatever will pop up and remind you; it’s time for you both.
It can be as simple as trading massages. You give him a 15-minute massage and then he gives you 15 minutes. Who doesn’t like a little touch? Crack open a bottle of wine, pour each of you a big glass and just talk about anything but the baby. Play a card game. Certainly there is something you both know? If not, may I suggest this game called Frustration. It is awesome!
Even taking just thirty minutes a few times a week doing something unrelated to baby can help you maintain a good relationship with your husband. Trust me, I’ve seen the best mommies lose themselves and then regret it a few years later after their kids have gotten bigger. You can still be a mom and be you!
What ways do you make sure you are getting couple-time when there is a baby in the house?
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