Divorce can be painful and difficult, but according to Divorce Detox experts Allison Pescosolido, M.A. and Andra Brosh, Ph.D-- it doesn't have to be. GalTime caught up with the divorce therapy specialists learn about a more positive way to approach divorce.
GalTime: How is today's divorce different that divorce from even five years ago?
Allison and Andra: You would think that a lot has changed with divorce over the past 5 years, but as a society we still generally hold a very archaic view of this life challenge. People feel as ashamed and embarrassed as they did even 20 years ago because divorce has such a negative connotation.
The biggest impact on divorce over the past 5 years is due to the economy. Couples separate but live together because they cannot afford to live apart, and more people are using mediators instead of duking it out and spending their life savings.
GalTime: Does divorce have to be extremely confrontational?
Allison and Andra: Divorce doesn't have to be extremely confrontational. Divorce can bring out the worst in some people. People have a choice about how they want to get through the experience, but they often play out the cliche of what comes to mind for most of us when we think about divorce. With many couples the focus is on retaliation, punishing each other and fighting over finances like two toddlers on a schoolyard. Many people try to work out their emotional turmoil incorrectly through legal negotiations when what they really need, is a Divorce Detox to get the emotional help and education to navigate the divorce transition in a healthy, adaptive way.
GalTime: What are your tips for couples navigating their way through divorce?
Allison and Andra:
7 Ways to Keep Your Divorce Civil
1. Take care of your health during this process because the stress of divorce takes a toll on the body.
2. Get help with your emotions instead of taking them out on your soon-to-be-ex.
3. Remember that divorce is a transition, not a way of life.
4. Get regular support from a trusted friend, family member, or professional.
5. Consult with a lawyer, mediator or other professional as needed to ensure your financial security.
6. Educate yourself about divorce and the process through the use of books, websites, or advisers.
7. Avoid making any sudden or hasty decisions about your life, finances, or family.
GalTime: What are the trends you're seeing with couples divorcing?
Allison and Andra: There are many trends we're seeing: