Dating Overload: Is The Dating Pool Too Crowded?


Dating Overload: Is The Dating Pool Too Crowded?
It's hard to find a good date these days. Read more to find out what the problem may be.

(For more on that, check out Barry Schwartz's The Paradox of Choice and Sheena Iyengar's The Art of Choosing, both fascinating reads.) And anyone who's spent any time online dating knows that more doesn't equal better. If you find some people you like, it's a lot more compelling to spend more time with them than to go back to the drawing board over and over again. Trust me on this one. But that doesn't mean people don't peek. It's not a dig against you, by any means. Fearing other options puts you in a position of weakness. She said it herself: There are a lot of people out there. There will always be someone prettier or taller or thinner or younger. Doesn't matter. Attraction doesn't adhere to one set of rules. However, you have the power to ignite and stoke attraction simply by letting someone know you're attracted to them. You have more power than you think. You can't make other options cease to exist; you can, however, be one of the most appealing options--that is, if you even want to be. it's a two-way street. After all, if he isn't the most appealing option you have, why would YOU stop there? Exactly. Stop trying to control his choices, and control your own. It's called dating for a reason: because you're out to meet people. If a man goes on a date with you, that doesn't mean he will now cease to look, talk to, or date anyone ever again. So embrace it. If you feel good about yourself, then what do you care if he looks around? Go right ahead, I say. If something doesn't click, I'm certainly not going to blame it on a population explosion. It's not because there's SO many other great things out there. It's because we didn't have a connection. Period. Next. Related: What Men Really Want Understand that men are novelty-seeking machines. This is how they're wired. It's no different from the fact (and it is a fact) that whether you just started dating someone or have been married 15 years, he's going to look at, admire, and think about other women. This isn't supposed to depress you. The sooner you learn this, the better. Use it to your advantage. A man in your sights, no matter where you met him, is in your thrall. And unless you're on a horrible dating show where you're all contending for the same man on the same date in the same hot tub, every moment you're with him you have the ability to be the only woman in the room he's aware of. That's power. Don't wear your fear. There may be millions of single women out there (and in fact there are), but that doesn't change who you are. And there's only one of you. Believing that fewer women would make you more appealing is a pretty negative worldview--and when you believe it, it shows. It assumes your lovability is directly and inversely related to how many people are out there. But if you live in accordance with this fear, trust me, it will read that way. You wear your fear like a scarf soaked in lousy perfume--people see it, smell it, and respond to it (probably by moving away). As my late uncle, Rev. Robert Barone said to me many times, "Terri, don't be a desperate woman." Sound advice indeed. More from Tip of the Hat: Decoding a Guy’s First Date Accessories 4 Reasons You NEED a Guy Friend Manspeak: 10 "Dude-isms" Translated Secrets to Staying Married for 50 Years (Or More) Read more:">

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
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