FALLING TOO FAST...
Have you ever found yourself thinking, "Oh my god, he's the one!," within hours, days, or mere weeks after meeting a new guy? The trouble is, when you fall hard and fast, you aren't really falling for him, because you don't even know him- yet. Instead, you're falling for the ideal man in your head, who you're hoping he'll be.
Here are some common signs of falling too fast. Within the first few weeks:
- You're obsessed: You can't stop thinking and talking about him.
- You're in constant contact: You talk, text, or email every day, or even more frequently.
- You're together often: You spend several weeknights and almost all weekend together.
- You're higher than a kite: You experience intense emotions, which can include highs and lows.
- You can't keep your hands off of him: You hop into bed and enjoy a whirlwind of romance right away.
Related: Don't Be a 'Stage 5 Clinger'!
Essentially, when you fall fast, you make the mistake of plugging this guy into your life, before you know if he's really the right match. The risk? That the reality of him won't match your dream version of him. And typically, within three months, your idealized version of love comes crashing down around you, as you both discover who you really are and realize the crucial match is missing. Then comes the heartbreak.
Or worse, you became so emotionally attached that once you know he isn't the one, you still can't break it off easily because you've allowed your lives to become so entwined. So instead of dating a few weeks and congenially moving on, you end up wasting 6, 9, 12 months on the wrong guy.
The Solution: Go Slow
You know the old saying about the slow turtle beating the speedy hare? That's because the turtle knows that when you take your time, you can make smart decisions that get you where you want to go more quickly, without being blinded by illusion.
In fact, the only really safe way to date is slowly!
Here is the hitch. Mother Nature would rather you rush. You know those heady feelings of infatuation that crop up in the beginning? They actually make you want to race ahead like the hare.
Related: Avoid These 5 First Date Mistakes
The feelings are fabulous, but those love chemicals also blind you to reality, encouraging you to make decisions that are often not in your best interest, leading you off the road to finding real love, in favor of enjoying an exciting, romantic fling.
To avoid going off track, you need to slowly grow a new connection, giving yourself the time to accurately assess if this partner is really right for you.
Three Ways to Go Slow to Get Ahead in Love