The awesome thing about asking for notes is that you are opening up communication with your significant other in a very honest and vulnerable way, which can seriously deepen your relationship and tighten your bond. Not to mention that you are showing them that you really want to please them (which they should appreciate) and that can only lead to better sex. And who doesn’t want that?
So how do you go about asking for these "Notes?"
Similar to how you aren’t supposed to tell someone that they have a drinking problem when they are drunk, or that they should seriously consider anger management classes when they are in a fit of rage, don’t ask your guy how you did or how you’re doing during or even immediately after sex. Instead, ask a few hours later, maybe at dinner, at breakfast, before falling asleep when just laying together in bed chatting at night, in a bath… somewhere that you are both relaxed, open, focused on each other, and interested in communicating. Then say, “I really loved our sex today. It seemed like you liked it when I did _____. What else did you like? What about when I go down on you, what do you like the best? I want to make you feel good. What should I focus on more? What don’t you like as much? I won’t get upset, I really do want to know what you like and don’t like.”
See… you start with the good, and ease into asking about the bad. The reason? He might think it’s weird at first that you want to be criticized, not realizing that it can be constructive, that you won’t get mad (DO NOT GET MAD AND USE THIS AGAINST HIM!), and that you truly would like his direction.
Sure, pick your battles. You don’t have to be good at everything. But this is one thing that I want to be awesome at! So for that… it’s all about "notes."
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