Is serial monogamy the best way to find long lasting love? As a former relationship addict myself, I'm saying NO and GalTime's Dating Diva Jennifer Oikle, Ph.D., founder of MySoulmateSolution.com, is backing me up. She says there are many benefits of spending some time being single in order to find yourself before you start looking for someone else.
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But for serial monogamists, being single can be a scary thing. After all, no one wants to feel alone. So we asked Dr. Jenn for some practical tips on how to enjoy being single while prepping yourself for your soulmate.
Here is her advice:
- See being single as an opportunity for delicious discovery of YOU rather than as something to be avoided (because always being in a relationship or dating can be a way to avoid yourself!). See being single as a new adventure in self-discovery.
- Start a journal where you make notes on what you are learning about yourself. Include your strengths and things that surprise you, and also include the places where you need to outgrow old patterns.
- When you find an old pattern that no longer serves you, experiment with new behaviors and notice what works, what doesn't, what feels good and what feels worse.
- Start noticing what your real needs are and begin learning how to meet your own needs, so you will never again be so dependent on a partner to meet your needs (which means you'll be able to make better, smarter decisions based on what's really good for you, not on what will lower your anxiety, when you begin dating again).
- Get really honest with yourself and take a Relationship Inventory to get very clear about what your patterns are - the kind of guy you fall for, how you end up feeling with him, the patterns of behavior that get played out over and over and how you contribute to the cycle. Then, make notes on what you will do different next time around and start playing around with those new behaviors with friends, family, and co-workers.
- By becoming an active participant in your life and observer of yourself, you can keep yourself interested and occupied by the most important relationship of all: the one with yourself!
- By engaging in personal growth like this, you'll be stepping into your "best self", so that when you are ready to date again, you'll automatically begin attracting better potential partners. And you'll more easily turn away from guys you used to be attracted to that don't treat you right or meet your needs.
In case you're wondering, I eventually broke the cycle, stopped relationship hopping, spent time by myself and met my Mr. Right.
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What do you think? Is it important to spend time alone between relationships? What are your experiences. Leave us a comment, we want to hear from you!
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