7 Lessons from Celebrity Divorces

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7 Lessons from Celebrity Divorces
Even though celebrity gossip fails to be true sometimes, here are some lessons you can learn from it

Make your anger work for you. Rumor has it that one element in Heidi Klum and Seal's break-up was intense anger. In an intimate relationship everyone seeks a loving and safe shelter, and behavioral issues or outbursts can quickly erode those comforts. Over time, one partner may lose the sense of sanctuary and begin to feel fearful and anxious knowing that at any time their spouse might blow up. That pattern of behavior destroys the foundation of your mutual trust and commitment. Instead of letting things between you become explosive and hurtful, use those strong feelings to do good.

Don't compare your old partner to your new one. Was Brad Pitt busy comparing ex-wife Jennifer Aniston to his new partner Angelina Jolie? Well, rumors seemed that way for years, but the honkin' engagement ring on Angie's finger puts that to rest. For the rest of us: If you play the comparison game, you will just keep yourself stuck on what was wrong with you past marriage. This will keep the pain and loss of divorce alive, instead of allowing you to let go and move on. Create closure for yourself, and to do that you have to be willing to let go. That means being able to cope with what you left behind, focusing on the positive of what you took away from it. When you talk negatively you keep your bad feelings alive. When you talk positively you put them to rest. The ultimate goal is to get on with your new life in a better place for what you gained from your old one.

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Tend to other aspects of your life -- financial, professional, health, parenting, education, friendships and family relationships. When "Desperate Housewives" star Eva Longoria ended her marriage to Tony Parker, NBA star point-guard for the San Antonio Spurs, one of the things that suffered was her financial situation. It is not unusual for the loss you have already been through with your separation or divorce to replicate itself in other parts of your life. Often, people end up experiencing loss in a panoramic sense - it finds its way into everything, taking over even more than their love and home life. Don't turn a blind eye to other corners of your life that need your attention, places where you can still make a difference. Pay attention so you can focus on and sustain the other things you still have in your life, thereby curbing the widespread devastation.

Don't bad-mouth your ex in public. Alec Baldwin is quoted in gossip mags bashing former wife Kim Basinger. Find an outlet for your anger, sadness or leftover emotions by keeping a journal, seeing a professional counselor, or joining a divorce support group. It might feel good in the moment to go off about your former partner. But even if you're not in the press or spotlight, be mindful that saying negative things out loud about an ex rarely serves anyone well in the long run.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
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