“These profiles indicate a variety of potential difficulties with their authors, including control issues, a negative perspective on life (or at least on dating), a sense of entitlement, or a victim’s mentality—basically nothing that one should find attractive right off the bat,” she says.
A former client of Ikka's had a profile that fit this description when she started working with him, she shares. In it, he wrote, “If you’re not fit and into exercise, don’t bother contacting me.” After reading that, Ikka quickly worked with him to change the wording in order to make him sound more approachable.
“I helped him understand that his value of wanting to lead a healthy lifestyle and wanting to find a partner who was like-minded was understandable (but that) he could communicate the exact same thing in a more positive manner. Ultimately, we changed the text to read, ‘Because I value my health and enjoy staying active…I am looking to meet someone who shares the same or similar interests and fitness goals.’”
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4. WINDOW SHOPPERS
“These are people who are active on a website but who have not paid for a membership,” Ikka explains. In some instances, “this is a huge red flag because they have no skin in the game and are one foot in, one foot out. You can identify these people only when you go to contact them and realize that you’re not able to or your message goes unanswered; this is because they are not able to access messages, flirts, or e-cards because they are not paying for those services. In that case, do you really want to date someone who can’t even commit to their own online dating profile?”
“Although people who write long-winded profiles typically have the best of intentions, it is often an indication of what’s in store when you meet them in person,” Ikka says, adding, “It can be innocent and chalked up to a lack of dating experience, an attempt to be everything to everyone, an autobiography, or, in its worst form, it can be a preview to the ‘it’s-all-about-me’ show.'"
Ikka believes online dating profiles should be like movie trailers.
“The purpose is to whet the audience’s appetite, create interest and perhaps some intrigue and mystique, and then let those wanting more opt to buy a ticket to see the full movie. In this case, by reaching out through some form of communication.”
Having to watch for red flags, like these, can make online dating seem daunting. “Some of the problem lies with the fact that the two of you are starting out backward. In the real world, there will be eye contact, body language, scent, and the ability to witness social behavior,” Sapen says.