How To Get Him Back
By Francesca Escoto. Posted on .
Apologizing for a mistake does not entitle you to anything. Entitlement is the opposite of an apology! If he does not want to or is not ready to see you right now, respect his honesty, and let it be. You can let him know that you are still interested and will be wiling to talk when he is ready. You cannot, however, demand that he forgive you, expect things to go back to normal right away (or ever), require that he hear what you have to say (over and over again), or ask him to forget what has happened. Instead, maintain your distance, respect his need to be away from you for now, and learn to grieve gracefully.
3. Be consistent
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If you are given a second chance, accept it gracefully, with the full intention of practicing those skills you need to develop in order to not make the same mistakes.
He might be jumpy, skeptic, leary, and generally suspicious. And he has every right to be so. You will have to earn his trust by consistently doing what you said you would do over time. Only time will tell him that you are truly repented and behaving differently, for good.
Along the way, you might even make a mistake here and there, and it might set you back a bit. Respond gracefully, with honesty, without trying to hide. Your authenticity will be all the evidence he needs to believe you are truly trying.
Time will pass, and you might not feel like you are making progress. Reconciliation does not guarantee forgiveness. You will have to decide how long you are willing to wait, and how much effort you are going to invest in earning his trust again. This is not something to punish him for - not everyone relationship survives. Your job is to be consistent, and to take care of your treasures - your emotions, your choices, your needs. So long as you do this, you'll have a chance to get him back.
4. Maintain Your Dignity
Sometimes our shame will take over and make us think that we deserve anything bad our partner gives us. We think that, because we made a mistake, we have earned all the humiliation they throw our way. This is not dignified, and it is not the foundation of any healthy couple. On the other hand, it is the very formula for abusive and destructive relationships.
Forgiveness takes time. It is a long process. However, everyone makes mistakes. Chances are that you were not 100% responsible for the demise of the relationship in the first place. He probably contributed in some way. If not, he too is human, and is capable of making mistakes. There is no reason why you should accept any form of punishment or humiliation, or any kind of retaliation. Yes, he might decide to take it slow, putting boundaries in place until he can trust you again. That would be very wise, if this relationship is going to stand the test of time. Telling his friends all about our personal life, exercising "payback" so he can get even with you, or worse - emotionally, physically, or sexually demeaning you are completely inappropriate ways to deal with anger and resentment. Do not accept anything less than an adult, dignified second-chance.
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5. Work on You
