Got sex? Does your relationship need erotic recovery?

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Got sex?  Does your relationship need erotic recovery?
Want to bring the eros back into your relationship? Here's how!

I remember when my own marriage went through an affair I was angry about the infidelity, but the lying was the hardest to come back from.  It was the most crazy making part of the whole thing.  The New Monogamy is a must read for couples recovering from an affair.  It goes beyond recovery from infidelity to erotic recovery.  You have to work on the erotic and create a new sex life, a new intimacy, a new connection!  When framed in this way, couples can use an affair, which deconstructs a relationship, as a possibility for constructing a new relationship with each other.

Doctors Orders!
Tammy suggests: Set aside a sex date once a week.   The entire rest of your relationship focuses on the companionship or partnership of the relationship so you really need to set aside time to focus on the erotic on a regular basis, says Dr. Nelson.  That becomes the sacred space between you that is dedicated to your erotic life.  Unless you have that you can’t practice your eroticism.  Think of this as a sacred practice.

Tammy says, “You have the sex date no matter what.  You create the space and practice the skills.  This is not a dinner date.  It’s a sex date.” 

I know that people sometimes object to scheduling sex because it doesn’t seem spontaneous.  Yet if you think back to when you were dating and really hot on each other, sex wasn’t exactly spontaneous, was it?  Think back on your last date:  You saw it in your calendar days or weeks ahead… you imagined being with your honey….you thought about what you were going to wear.  I’ll bet you took a shower, did your hair and make-up!  And you put on your sexy lingerie – not the white cotton panties with the ripped elastic!

So you planned the date, you planned what you were going to where, you created an ambience, you anticipated the event – you imagined in your mind and prepared your body and psyche for sex.  You built up to it.

So now that you actually have a relationship, how about putting the same amount of effort into it? 

DO THIS:

• Schedule at least once a week for a sex date!

• And what happens if you don’t feel like “doing it” that night or afternoon?  Well, intercourse is not required!  But what happens if you just engage in sexual play and touching for starters?  You could even start by just laying together with your clothes on or off or something in between. 

• The point is to create an intention  and then do the things that prepare you mentally, emotionally and physically for sex!  How do you get yourself in the mood?  Make a list of those things and then do some of them! 

• And don’t be getting all stressed out at work up until the last minute and then show up for your sex date like an exhausted workaholic who’s mind is busy crunching numbers!  If you need an hour to de-stress before you walk in the door, do that.  Or get home and do what it takes.  But make the effort.  And do it whole heartedly, not half heartedly!

 

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
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