If your world has been rocked by an emotional affair or by infidelity, it can be devastating and heartbreaking. It can also be a natural response to want to get even and do to the other what has been done to you.
Rather than following the ways of the Romans - which didn't quite work out for them, by the way - it's healthier to refrain from getting even and work on getting better. Whether you caused it or were the unfortunate casualty of a painful affair, it's important to work on yourself and deciding if there is a relationship worth saving.
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- Seek help. Schedule a visit with a counselor, go to group therapy or visit the bookstore for recovery self-help books. The sooner you begin the path of moving out of the pain, the faster you will begin healing.
- Trust a friend. This is not the time to put a post on Facebook and announce to the world what you are going through. Choose a friend or two that you can trust and confide in while you begin to put the pieces together. The less that know the better right now. If you do end up reconciling, it's less people to inform and answer to - and far less judgment.
- Cry, scream, laugh, feel. Allow yourself to go through every emotion possible. By purging this from your body, you are helping your soul make room for something better to come into your life.
- Let time pass. How you feel today will not be how you feel in 90 days and it will feel different 90 days later, and so on. Let time work its magic of filling in the necessities of every day life that will keep you keeping on. Taking out the trash may seem like a struggle today, but eventually muscle memory kicks in. You begin moving on again, sometimes deliberately, other times in auto-pilot.
- Process before prosecuting. The severity of the circumstances can only be determined by you. You are the only judge and juror in your relationship. It is up to you to decide if you can or can not accept what has happened.
- Forgive. Hate the sin, not the sinner. Forgiveness is not acceptance or allowance of what has happened. Forgiveness is freeing yourself from restricting your heart. This is an act of healing for you, not for any one else. It may take time, but in order to be the best you again, this is the most important gift you can give to yourself.
- Be kind to yourself. Try not to beat yourself up over what you could have done differently or how it could have been stopped. It has happened. Acceptance of it now being part of your life is actually easier than trying to reverse time and fix it. You can't go backwards. You can only use today to begin again. Be your new best friend rather than your own worst enemy. The hurt will be there. Don't let unnecessary thoughts make it worse than it already is.
- Accept an apology. Accepting an apology is not the same as accepting the action. By accepting an apology that is sincere and then backed by remorseful behavior, you are moving towards a place of forgiveness.
To keep your relationship karma in check follow this list of helpful don'ts. Bring balance to a bad situation by doing what's best for you.