50 Things You Should Try For Hotter Sex

Help Your Teen Find His Own Solutions (EXPERT)


Help Your Teen Find His Own Solutions (EXPERT)
The more you do for your child, the less he does for himself. Five steps to help you let go.

Do you find yourself fighting the urge to say to your teen, "Been there, done that. Let me show you how it's done"? I do, too... although looking back to my younger days, I can honestly say that I learned the most when I had to solve things myself.

(On a personal note, my children were amazed to hear that when I studied abroad during my junior year of college, I was only able to call home three times. There were no cell phones, no computers or email, and it cost $40 for a 20-minute phone call, which I had to make from the post office. Even though the program was well-supervised, I had lots of decisions to make and challenges to meet. No mom or dad to rely on, no instant feedback... and it was the most amazing and growth-filled year of my life!)

More from YourTango: How To Survive After The Kids Leave For College (EXPERT)

It takes so much time for parents to explain and guide and teach. You may feel it's faster and more efficient to take care of it yourself. In the short-term, being pressed for time and patience, you want to step in and do it yourself; however, if you do, you will be raising a child who:

* doesn't know how to problem-solve.
* runs to you to fix everything.
* cannot function independently.
* cannot be depended upon to accomplish tasks.
* has low self-esteem.

Now consider the long-term picture. What do you see fifteen years down the road? Most parents I talk to say they want their children to be confident, self-sufficient, happy and successful. For that to happen, they need the opportunity to grow. This requires parents who are able to step back and let their children experience life. Here are some tips to help you on this path.

More from YourTango: 6 Ways to Help Kids Make the Best of a Road Trip Detour (EXPERT)

* As always, take a breath and think - Whose problem is it? If it's not an issue of health or safety,consider whether you need to be part of it.
* Your child will make mistakes. Most mistakes are not fatal, but they are necessary to become confident and competent.
* Express confidence that your teen can come up with a solution.
* Offer to be available to help (not to do it for them).
* Teach him/her how to problem-solve. Some first steps are:
- Brainstorm and narrow down possible action steps.
- Evaluate how realistic the possibilities are.
- Set a time frame for action.
- Listen carefully. Accept and acknowledge feelings.

It is said that we are born with all the abilities, wisdom and potential we need to take us through life. Trust that this is true for your child, too. You've been responsible for a long time for all aspects of his well-being. Help him tap into his innate potential to care for himself and find his own solutions.

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Recent Expert Posts
Staying Dry

Letting Go Is Hard To Do

Healing your heart after divorce or loss of a spouse is worth the effort. Letting go is hard to do.

cozy up

Showing Love Through Touch

Touch is so incredibly important in relationships.


Listen Up, Darling: A Sex Kitten Is Never Hangry or Tired

Recently I shared eight surprising traits of a sex kitten. Each of those traits are ones that ...

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no timeā€¦

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>