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Get Cooperation When You Turn A "Don't" Into A 'Do"

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Get Cooperation When You Turn A "Don't" Into A 'Do"
It's all in the way you phrase it. Get better results with kids with positive requests.

We often tell our kids what not to do, when our goal actually is for them to do it differently, or better.  Our parents probably did the same with us. We're so used to the negative language.

* Don't leave your clothes on the floor.
* Don't leave the milk on the counter.
* Don't be late coming home from the party.

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The word 'don't' feels controlling.  How do you feel, as an adult, when someone tells you what not to do? It gets your back up, doesn't it?  Nobody wants to be bossed around. And 'don't' gives the message that you're not capable of doing things well or making good choices. You want to build trust in your relationship, not resentment.

If you want better results, and for your children to understand what you really expect from them, change your 'don't' into a 'do'. It will keep them on track and remembering what you want.  For example:

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* Clothes belong in the hamper.
* Milk goes in the refrigerator.
* I'll see you at 11:00.

Tell them what you expect.  Don't reinforce what you don't want. Oops.  There's a  'don't'.  I'll just leave it at "Tell them what you expect."

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Fern Weis

Family Coach

Fern Weis

Coaching for Parents of Teens

Your Family Matters

FROM EYE-ROLLING TO I LOVE YOU: Transforming the parent-teen relationship.  To be announced.  Register at www.yourfamilymatterscoach.com/events.

TALK SO  YOUR TEEN WILL LISTEN - 4-session program to cooperation, respect and love back into your family.  Coming again September 2013.  Sign up for program notices and parenting tips at www.yourfamilymatterscoach.com.

Location: Wayne, NJ
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Communication Problems, Parenting
Other Articles/News by Fern Weis:

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