One of women's top complaints is: "All he wants is sex." That complaint, however, may mean different things to different women. He may want sex without giving you enough attention or he may be affectionate but want sex more often than you do. Feeling that all a man wants from her is sex will make a woman feel bad, hurt her feelings, and lead to even less sex for him. Regardless, with some understanding of the natural principle of comfort vs discomfort, there are ways to create more harmony in the bedroom.
1. Show Him How To Get What He Wants
If you want him to be more affectionate, initiate affection and then have sex with him. If you want him to take you to dinner or out on a date, initiate it and reward it. Men may be lazy but they aren't stupid. It may take him some time to put two and two together but once he figures out that he gets what he wants just after he gives you what you want, he'll begin coming up with creative ways to make sure you're happy. As long as you are getting your needs met first, you may even find that you like how often he wants it.
2. If He's Not Meeting Your Needs At All, Don't Do It
One woman said that her husband's idea of foreplay was walking through the kitchen saying, "Let's f***." Making sure that at least some of your needs are met before consenting isn't meant to be petty: it's simply a matter of comfort vs discomfort and how the nervous system learns. Pressure motivates but it's the release of pressure that teaches. Wanting to have sex with you creates a certain amount of pressure for him. If your man is able to find the comfort of releasing that pressure at the wrong time (without treating you well first), his nervous system learns that treating you well is irrelevant.
Rather than being direct, be indirect. "I think I could have… if you would have called to say 'hi' during the day, but now I'm just so tired… I can't. Sorry." Then roll over and feign sleep. He won't like it and he'll know exactly what you're doing but that's the point. You want him to take the hint and feel the difference between his comfort and his discomfort. Your comfort and your discomfort matters, too, because the happier you are with him overall, the more amorous you are likely to become. The next day when he calls to say 'hi' to you at work, be sure to reward his efforts. If he does what you've asked and you just set a new expectation without rewarding him, you'll frustrate him and he'll stop trying to make you happy.
3. Be Loving In Other Ways
Your man may be looking for more than just sex. He may be looking for love and fulfillment. Make him dinner, rub his back, say nice things to him, or spend time with him. In fearing that he wants too much sex, many women start to withhold everything they feel could lead to sex which often compounds the problem. A man's drive for sex could stem from his anxiety of needing to feel close and special to you. Men are less secure than many women think they are. A good dose of attention in other areas may even out his sex drive.
4. Appreciate That He Does Want To Have Sex With You
If you've ever been with a man who didn't want to have sex with you very often, you might appreciate a man who does. Having a man want you too much may feel better than a man who wants you too little. Remember that there is no perfect compatibility between any two people. One will always be taller, one will always weigh more, and one will always be older even if it's just by a little bit. Incompatibility cuts both ways. The day will come when you are both older and you won't be as sexually inclined as you are now. Even if you're getting more sexual attention than you'd want in a perfect world, try to enjoy the moment.
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