Seven way to spot a liar and what to do about it
Yesterday, I went on a date with a Mark. He was handsome, sweet, nice … and selfish. We started talking in the chat room of one of those many online dating apps where you can find anyone from your future best friend to your worst enemy and maybe the love of your life.
We started talking as he was in New York about to come to the Bay Area for business. Like many high tech men he works between two coasts. Like many of them, he is smart, charismatic and lonely. We went quickly from chat to text, from text to phone call. We met few hours after he landed in San Francisco. It was a wonderful, beautiful first date. We had couple of drink and a few bites. The conversation was flowing and within an hour we had our first kiss. It was a great one, one that really feels good and make you want more. Still for apparently no reason I could hear this little voice whispering to pay attention in the back of my mind.
I am a smart and highly intuitive woman. My whole work is based on teaching my clients to understand the message their body, their intuition, their inner child, their higher spirit or God (whatever you want to call it) is sending them. Nevertheless, when I go on a date I am just a woman who wants to find love and I try to be as open and naive as anyone. I have no right coaching or connecting with the energy of anyone without his or her consent, not even a man I am meeting for the first time. However, I have the right and to be honest the duty to connect with is myself. Those are the way I do it and you too can do the exact same thing.
I do it is so simple that any one of you can do it, whatever is your experience with intuition and energy.
- Before you meet: Pay attention to the red flags
Among the many example of red flags, here are the most common ones:
He won’t talk on the phone
He lives abroad or is traveling for more than few weeks before he can meet you
He wants to keep the conversation going forever without trying to see you in person
He can only write you in the middle of the night or at a very specific time
He seems educated on his profile but can’t write a full sentence without typo.
All of those are sign he is not who he says he is. He can be a scam artist. He can be in jail and enjoy few moments of connection. Or he can simply lie about his status as single available man.
When you meet: Really listen to your body sensation
- If you are familiar with muscle testing ask yourself few question about how safe or how comfortable you are to be in presence on this man. Muscle testing is this technique based on the principle that you will feel solid when you are in agreement with a situation or a question. If you are in disagreement, your brain will take a split of a second extra to double check and your body will become weaker. If you want to learn about that go to my website and request a discovery session.
- Stand if front of that person you’re meeting and check if your body wants to move toward him or away from him. It’s beyond physical attraction. It’s based on the millions of subconscious information your brain is processing without you even noticing.
- Notice how your body reacts when you touch him or he touches you. Do you feel safe? Do you want this touch? Do you want more or would you prefer to run away. If you don’t feel comfortable being touched (I mean something non sexual and non threatening) by that person you should go away. Your body is telling you’re not safe. There can be few reason for that: you have been hurt or abused and cannot trust anymore and in that case you should find someone to help resolve the trauma or your intuition is keeping you safe and you should check with yourself what is exactly going on.
- Listen to the subtle cues, the things that are not computing. Listen to what he says and if something doesn’t sound or feel right. Ask questions about it. With the initial attraction, those men are thinking about their end goal of having sex and forget to think with their brain. Therefore they are more open and tell you the truth without even noticing it.
In the case I describe, I was absolutely attracted by that man physically and emotionally but there was this little voice in my head telling me to pay attention. There were those subtle cues detecting that he was not talking about his kids or his ex-wife even though he was supposed to be divorced. When he first wanted to kiss me, my body told me I should not even though he was totally handsome. When I muscle tested myself. The message was clear: nice guy, no danger, something is off.
After this wonderful mostly positive date, kissing a man I was really smitten by, the last thing I wanted to do was to listen to those red flags. I was looking forward to see him again and we had planned for a second date couple days later. I went to bed feeling ecstatic and still this little voice telling me to watch out. Not knowing what to do about it, I decided to go to bed and sleep on it. The next morning I woke up with this clear message: GOOGLE
- Double check with your logical, conscious brain
When meeting someone always ask for his last name. You can do it the way you want. I usually ask for their email address and quite often their full name is part of it. In that case I mentioned the fact that I believe that there is always a message about our life path in our name (and yes I believe that). Mine is Slama, which come from the Arabic word "salam" meaning peace and this is definitely what I am thriving for most of the time. His named sounded like Pirate. Obviously for privacy reason, I will not share it. But this was an extra red flag.
The next morning, I had his first name, last name, the name of the company he was working for and the town he was travelling from. Enough to Google him. In the white pages, I discovered he was presenting himself 3 years younger than he really was. Men are so vain!!!! But I also found out couple name associated with his. Went to his LinkedIn and checked he was who he said he was. Finally went to his Facebook profile and found very little public information but a photo of him with a woman who looked a lot like me. He mentioned his sister but this photo said more intimate than that. Her name was mentioned in the comments, so I went to see her profile. In January they were celebrating their 33 years of marriage and they looked so happy. Sometimes appearance is not the truth.
- When you meet someone, always take the time to check more about him. Technology is there to help you and it’s so easy to find the truth.
Once you know the truth you have to choices: Play dead or Learn the lesson you need to learn
In this process, I had learned many lessons already and the most important one was that I could trust my intuition but I knew there was more than that so I sent him a message telling him
It sucks to kiss a smart woman …. I discovered that you have a wonderful wife. Could you tell me more?
His answer was actually interesting:
It may sucks to kiss a smart woman …. But not as much as it sucks to kiss a liar. I apologize, you are right.
What is it with people lying? Don’t they realize that it’s more and more difficult to hide things in this word of technology?
You have all the tools you need to detect that in your subconscious brain and all the tools to double check on the conscious level in Internet and more. Be safe just to that. It will save you a lot of heartache.
There are more components to this story and more questions to answer. Why does a nice man end up cheating after 30 years of marriage when he still loves his wife? Also, do men realize the damage they do by not being honest? What hurt the most was not that he was married, what hurt was he cheated on me by lying about that not giving me the choice to make a choice based on truth.
Whether you believe your husband is cheating on you or you entered relationship based on a lie and don’t know what to do, schedule a “I want my life back!!! Breakthrough Love Analysis and start your journey toward Clarity and Happiness.
PS: Couple days later, I met him for a second date so I could really understand the complexity of the dynamic but this story will be told in my next article. So stay posted.