YourTango Experts teach us how saying "no" can lead to a better love life.
How to say "no" when you're used to saying "yes"
Is saying "yes" easy for you? Does saying "no" raise fears of rejection, conflict, even punishment? "No" got its bad rap when we were labeled "Terrible Twos" for claiming our independence. This conflict around saying yes or no is integral to how we live and participate in relationships. People pleasers fear "rocking the boat." Being reluctant to state what you want and don't want robs you and those around you of creating loving, authentic, nurturing relationships.
"No" is seen as selfish at best and heretical at worst. What if selfish means not letting others influence you? What if your relationship with you is key to your emotional, physical and spiritual health, and to the health of your relationships? Ignoring your needs to please others fosters depression, exhaustion, confusion, obesity and illness. How do you change? Congrats! If You Do These 9 Things, Your Relationship Is Healthy
Your life is your movie! As the director and star, you are top priority in the one relationship you are in charge of creating. Here are a few tips:
1. Release FEAR (False Evidence Appearing Real). If you're rejected for saying "no," what is that person contributing to your life? Their actions speak volumes about them and nothing about you.
2. Practice unconditional love. This is vital to a vibrant and fulfilling relationship. Learn to say "no" to judging, criticizing, punishing, neglecting and/or abusing yourself. Say "yes" to loving, nurturing words and actions that support you.
3. Know you always have a choice. Choose for you! When contemplating options, ask what feels lighter or heavier. If it feels lighter, it is your truth. If it feels heavier, it is a lie for you.
4. Give from the overflow. Choosing what brings you joy fuels your optimism, happiness, and energy to overflowing, thus inspiring and helping others to choose for themselves.
— Judith Joyce, Life Coach